Tuesday, September 30, 2008

Dominic Overfed the Fish

"Fat fish are happy fish!" Dominic shouted.

If floating upside-down in the fish tank is how fish show they're happy, then, yep, those are happy fish.

Monday, September 29, 2008

Dominic Left a Disgusting Mess in the Bathroom

There's some kind of green gunky goo all over the floor and no less than three dead cats in the sink! :o

Friday, September 26, 2008

Dominic Stabbed 12 People Today

I don’t know what’s gotten into Dominic. He’s been so stabby lately. :(

Thursday, September 25, 2008

Wednesday, September 24, 2008

Dominic Placed an Ad for "Shaved Cats, Delivered Discretely in Boxes Labeled 'Car Parts'"

It was up for one day before Craig's List flagged the posting for removal.

Tuesday, September 23, 2008

Dominic Made the Soup of the Day

Except it’s not really a soup. All he did was drain the pickle juice from all the pickle jars into a big bowl. Then he microwaved the pickle juice until it was piping hot and started serving it to the customers.

Monday, September 22, 2008

Friday, September 19, 2008

Dominic Invited Robert Mugabe to Speak at Your Alma Mater

Rush Limbaugh was talking about it on his radio show the other day, and he made some really good points about how this will hurt your former college's reputation.

Thursday, September 18, 2008

Dominic Asked the Lady if She Was Pregnant or Something.

Dominic patted her stomach and shouted, "Hey! You're gettin' pretty porky there! Are you pregnant or something?"

No, Dominic, she’s not. :(

Wednesday, September 17, 2008

Dominic Takes the Pick-Up Game Way Too Seriously

If you try to calm him down and say, "It's just a game," he'll scream, "It's not just a game! This means everything to me! My blood for this!!!"

Then he’ll fight you.

Tuesday, September 16, 2008

Dominic Leaked the Secret Codes to the Russians

"I thought Anatoli was my friend!" Dominic shouted. "He said I could tell him anything!"

Monday, September 15, 2008

Dominic Didn't Make the Backsplash High Enough

If we cook anything that spatters, it's going to leave discolorations on the wall.

Dominic really should have put up a few more rows of tile on the backsplash.

Friday, September 12, 2008

Dominic is Making Horrible Retching Noises

It's making it hard to enjoy the nice dinner you prepared.

Thursday, September 11, 2008

Dominic Gave Only Bad Ideas During the Meeting

At one point, Dominic pounded his fists on the conference table and shouted, "I've got it! We'll double our price! Then everyone will want to use our product because the double price will make them think we're twice as good!"

No, Dominic. It doesn't quite work that way.

Wednesday, September 10, 2008

Dominic is Being Punished

Dominic might try coming by your house sometime this week and asking if he can use your internet to read some video game reviews online.

If he does, tell him I said no.

He is being punished.

Tuesday, September 9, 2008

Dominic Left the Old Man To Die Alone

Maybe he couldn't save the old man, but Dominic could have stayed by the old man's side to offer comfort so that the old man wouldn't have to die alone in the desolate caves.

But instead Dominic shouted, "I've got to save my own skin!" and ran away.

Monday, September 8, 2008

Dominic Clogged the Pool Filter

It was so bad we had to call the pool guy. When the pool guy came out, he said, "How did Dominic fit a dead cat in here?"

Friday, September 5, 2008

Dominic Won't Admit That Maroon 5 Sucks

"Have you heard that collaboration they did with Rhianna?!?" Dominic shouted. "That song tore the roof off!"

No, Dominic, that song sucked. As does every other song Maroon 5 ever put out.

Thursday, September 4, 2008

Dominic Slipped You a Roofie

When you woke up this morning with a throbbing head and $350 dollars missing from your wallet, you must have thought you really drank a lot last night, 'cause you can't remember anything.

Well, actually, you only had one drink. Dominic put a roofie in it.

Wednesday, September 3, 2008

Dominic Took Your Car Out On a Joyride

See these shattered bits of glass collected under your windshield wipers? That's from when Dominic was driving your car through plate-glass windows.

Tuesday, September 2, 2008

Dominic Rented Vantage Point

Vantage Point??? We've already seen that and it wasn't that great.

Why did Dominic rent it again?

Monday, September 1, 2008

Dominic Threw Up In the Pool

Labor Day marks the unofficial end of summer. So naturally all the kids were excited to use the pool today just to get in as muc "pool fun" before the weather turns. They all came charging out of the house in their bathing suits, waving towels and cheering.

But when they came within sight of the pool, they all stopped short. There was Dominic, standing in the shallow end and throwing up by the bucketload.

"I wish I hadn't ate so much spaghetti!" Dominic shouted.

I guess the only pool fun we're gonna have today is pool cleaning "fun." :(