Tuesday, December 30, 2008

Dominic Has Seen the Movie Con Air 437 times

And he just won't shut up about it. :(

Monday, December 29, 2008

Dominic Opened a Restaurant That Serves Fine French Cuisine

"The special today is homicide!" Dominic shouted and then hid behind the front door with a loaded shotgun, waiting for the first customer.

"Juicy, fresh, delicious homicide!" he shouted. :o

Thursday, December 25, 2008

Dominic Ruined Christmas

"Every wrapped present contains a poisonous snake!" Dominic shouted, as he set the Christmas tree on fire.

Tuesday, December 23, 2008

Dominic Invented a New Game

"It's like speed chess, except the pieces are all heated white hot in a skillet first!" Dominic shouted.

I've burned all the skin off my fingertips. I hate playing Dominic's new game.

Wednesday, December 17, 2008

Tuesday, December 16, 2008

Dominic Says You Can't Use That Extension Cord

"Never plug that cord in!" Dominic shouted.

"It's only used for strangling!"

Monday, December 15, 2008

Dominic is Misleading the Stockholders

We don’t actually have a million units ready for shipping like he told them at the shareholder's meeting.

We have, like, five. :(

Thursday, December 11, 2008

Dominic Says He's Sorry He Called You a Jerk

However, he's still not sorry he shot you in the thigh.

"You totally deserved that!" Dominic shouted.

Wednesday, December 10, 2008

Dominic Made a Dramatic Entrance

Some of the people who were standing by the window got cut by flying broken glass when he suddenly crashed through it.

Tuesday, December 9, 2008

Dominic Doesn't Know the Word for "Periscope"

"Well, Dominic," said the submarine captain. "Did we sink the enemy ship?"

"I dunno!" Dominic shouted. "Lemme look through the looky-thing with the handlebar thingies!"

Monday, December 8, 2008

Dominic Thinks the Fire Department Should be Paying Him

"Think of how much business they'd lose if I ever moved away!" Dominic shouted.

Thursday, December 4, 2008

Dominic Was Standing in Front of the Suggestion Box

"Tell Farnsworth to do something about his unwanted back hair!" Dominic shouted at it.

Wednesday, December 3, 2008

Dominic Answered the Phone

WAZZUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUP!!?!!?!!?!! Dominic bellowed furiously into the reciever.

Tuesday, December 2, 2008

Dominic Just Doesn't Understand How You Can Smile with All Those Tears in Your Eyes

And also, how you can smile while he's furiously pummeling you with a hockey stick.

Monday, December 1, 2008

Dominic Totalled Your Car

He wants to know: since he was the one who wrecked the car, can he have your insurance payout?

Thursday, November 27, 2008

Dominic Thought it Would Be a Good Idea to Carve the Thanksgiving Turkey with a Chainsaw

"Carving knives are for sissies!" Dominic shouted as he fired up the chainsaw.

Hope you enjoy this plate of shredded turkey meat mixed with shards of bone and flavored with the taste of gasoline and chainsaw grease.

If you're hungry for more, feel free to scrape seconds off the walls and chandelier.

Wednesday, November 26, 2008

Dominic "Tested" All of the Fire Extinguishers in Your House

Looks like you're going to have to get them all charged again. :(

Tuesday, November 25, 2008

Dominic Calls Himself the King of Lies

"I bear witness against the innocent!" Dominic proudly shouted. :o

Monday, November 24, 2008

Dominic Claimed Your "Bag Fries"

He says he gets all of your fries at the bottom of the bag because he shouted, "I call 'bag fries!'"

I've never even heard of that rule before.

Thursday, November 20, 2008

Dominic Says He "Invented" a Caribou

"Look what I invented!" Dominic shouted, pointing at a horse with branches stapled to its head.

Wednesday, November 19, 2008

Dominic Says He Hired the New Receptionist Based Soley on Her Hotness

I don't understand. The gal he interviewed Thursday was hotter.

Tuesday, November 18, 2008

Dominic Didn't Put Safety First

We had gone 998 days without an accident in the warehouse. So Dominic loosened the bolts on one of the shelves, and it fell on Johnson the next day.

If we had gone a full 1,000 days without an accident, we would've all gotten pizza. :(

Monday, November 17, 2008

Thursday, November 13, 2008

Dominic is Going to Throw His Life Away on Drugs

Dominic asked me if I knew any drug dealers. "I'm going to throw my life away on drugs!" he shouted.

No, Dominic, I don't know any drug dealers. And I'm a little offended that you thought I might. >:P

Wednesday, November 12, 2008

Dominic Made the New Phone System Sound a Lot More Complicated Than it Really is.

All the buttons you need to know are clearly labeled: "Hold," "Transfer," and "Headset." Just be sure to dial # and 9 to call outside of the building.

I don't know why Dominic couldn't have just told you that.

Tuesday, November 11, 2008

Dominic Found Five Human Heads

"I wonder if I can find five more!" Dominic shouted.

Monday, November 10, 2008

Dominic Asked a Stupid Question

The lady running the seminar said we shouldn't be shy. "There's no such thing as a stupid question," she said.

"How come my toes taste so salty today!?" Dominic shouted.

Thursday, November 6, 2008

Dominic Put Nair in Your Shampoo Bottle

He thinks it's a funny prank.

"Nair can blind you if you get it in your eyes!" Dominic shouted.

Wednesday, November 5, 2008

Dominic Tried to Do Chin-Ups On the Shower Curtain Rod

I thought it would have been obvious that those things aren't designed to hold the weight of an adult.

Tuesday, November 4, 2008

Dominic Has to Talk with the Boss About His Attitude Problem

The boss said, "Come into my office, Dominic. I want to talk to you about your attitude problem."

"What f****** attitude problem?!" Dominic shouted, as he delivered a furious head-butt. :o

Monday, November 3, 2008

Dominic is Wishing Everyone a Happy Rosh Hashanah Even Though He's Not Jewish

Dominic shouted me a happy Rosh Hashanah just the other day, and I asked him, "What are you talking about?" Neither of us are Jewish, and besides, Rosh Hashanah fell on the last two days of September this year.

Dominic doesn't seem to know or care. He's wishing everyone he meets a happy Rosh Hashanah, whether they like it or not.

When I pointed out that Rosh Hashanah can never fall after October 5 on the Gregorian calendar, Dominic--instead of thanking me--got furious! He accused me of being an anti-Semite! :o

"You know who else argued about the proper time to celebrate Rosh Hashanah?" Dominic shouted. "Hitler!"

Thursday, October 30, 2008

Dominic Hurled the Big Screen TV Through the Window

"There's nothing good on!" he shouted.

Well, totalling up the cost of the flat-screen, the double-pane window, and the faux-wood venitian blind, that's about $3,400 dollars in damages. :(

"There's nothing good on!" Dominic shouted again.

Tuesday, October 28, 2008

Dominic is Making Crystal Meth in His Kitchen

Do you think that's rather white-trashy of him? Dominic doesn't.

"Crystal meth is the height of elegance and sophistication!" Dominic shouted.

Monday, October 27, 2008

Dominic is Not to be Found Anywhere

Does anyone know where Dominic is?

I hope he's not hiding in the bushes at the rest stop again. ;)

Thursday, October 23, 2008

Dominic is Going Crazy with That Cinder Block

He threw it through your windshield. :(

Wednesday, October 22, 2008

Tuesday, October 21, 2008

Dominic Got Hammered Drinking the Table Wine, Turned, and Threw Up All Down the Front of Your Date's Brand New Dress That She Just Bought

Now you know why I didn't sit down at the dinner party table until I saw where Dominic was sitting so I could take a chair far away from him. ;)

Thursday, October 16, 2008

Wednesday, October 15, 2008

Tuesday, October 14, 2008

Dominic Forgot to Securely Shut the Back of the Truck

He spilled dead cats all over the freeway. :(

Monday, October 13, 2008

Dominic Told You to Use the Back of the Sofa for Cover

Bad idea. Bullets are just going to go right through that. :(

Friday, October 10, 2008

Thursday, October 9, 2008

Dominic is Foreclosing on Your Home

When you signed the loan from him, he told you that your rates would go up "slightly" within the first three years.

I guess for Dominic, "slightly" means "900%." ;P

Wednesday, October 8, 2008

Dominic is a Real Piece of Work, I Hear

Have you heard of this guy Dominic? Sounds like a real piece of work if you ask me.

Tuesday, October 7, 2008

Dominic Just Chucked the Dead Body off the Freeway Overpass

I’m pretty sure when you find a dead body you're supposed to drive it to the police station or something, not just toss it off the overpass.

Monday, October 6, 2008

Dominic Shouted, "I Feel Sick! I'm Gonna Throw Up!"

Someone take Nana's urn away from him! Quick!

Friday, October 3, 2008

Dominic Shouted, "Watch Me Do a Sexy Dance!"

No, Dominic. I don't want to watch you do a sexy dance.

Thursday, October 2, 2008

Dominic Opened a Day Care Center

Here's what the sign outside says:

Dominic's Day Care

"We never forget that your children are a fungible commodity!"

I assume that you already know what the word "fungible" means, but just in case you don't: It means never leave your children at Dominic's Day Care!

Wednesday, October 1, 2008

Tuesday, September 30, 2008

Dominic Overfed the Fish

"Fat fish are happy fish!" Dominic shouted.

If floating upside-down in the fish tank is how fish show they're happy, then, yep, those are happy fish.

Monday, September 29, 2008

Dominic Left a Disgusting Mess in the Bathroom

There's some kind of green gunky goo all over the floor and no less than three dead cats in the sink! :o

Friday, September 26, 2008

Dominic Stabbed 12 People Today

I don’t know what’s gotten into Dominic. He’s been so stabby lately. :(

Thursday, September 25, 2008

Wednesday, September 24, 2008

Dominic Placed an Ad for "Shaved Cats, Delivered Discretely in Boxes Labeled 'Car Parts'"

It was up for one day before Craig's List flagged the posting for removal.

Tuesday, September 23, 2008

Dominic Made the Soup of the Day

Except it’s not really a soup. All he did was drain the pickle juice from all the pickle jars into a big bowl. Then he microwaved the pickle juice until it was piping hot and started serving it to the customers.

Monday, September 22, 2008

Friday, September 19, 2008

Dominic Invited Robert Mugabe to Speak at Your Alma Mater

Rush Limbaugh was talking about it on his radio show the other day, and he made some really good points about how this will hurt your former college's reputation.

Thursday, September 18, 2008

Dominic Asked the Lady if She Was Pregnant or Something.

Dominic patted her stomach and shouted, "Hey! You're gettin' pretty porky there! Are you pregnant or something?"

No, Dominic, she’s not. :(

Wednesday, September 17, 2008

Dominic Takes the Pick-Up Game Way Too Seriously

If you try to calm him down and say, "It's just a game," he'll scream, "It's not just a game! This means everything to me! My blood for this!!!"

Then he’ll fight you.

Tuesday, September 16, 2008

Dominic Leaked the Secret Codes to the Russians

"I thought Anatoli was my friend!" Dominic shouted. "He said I could tell him anything!"

Monday, September 15, 2008

Dominic Didn't Make the Backsplash High Enough

If we cook anything that spatters, it's going to leave discolorations on the wall.

Dominic really should have put up a few more rows of tile on the backsplash.

Friday, September 12, 2008

Dominic is Making Horrible Retching Noises

It's making it hard to enjoy the nice dinner you prepared.

Thursday, September 11, 2008

Dominic Gave Only Bad Ideas During the Meeting

At one point, Dominic pounded his fists on the conference table and shouted, "I've got it! We'll double our price! Then everyone will want to use our product because the double price will make them think we're twice as good!"

No, Dominic. It doesn't quite work that way.

Wednesday, September 10, 2008

Dominic is Being Punished

Dominic might try coming by your house sometime this week and asking if he can use your internet to read some video game reviews online.

If he does, tell him I said no.

He is being punished.

Tuesday, September 9, 2008

Dominic Left the Old Man To Die Alone

Maybe he couldn't save the old man, but Dominic could have stayed by the old man's side to offer comfort so that the old man wouldn't have to die alone in the desolate caves.

But instead Dominic shouted, "I've got to save my own skin!" and ran away.

Monday, September 8, 2008

Dominic Clogged the Pool Filter

It was so bad we had to call the pool guy. When the pool guy came out, he said, "How did Dominic fit a dead cat in here?"

Friday, September 5, 2008

Dominic Won't Admit That Maroon 5 Sucks

"Have you heard that collaboration they did with Rhianna?!?" Dominic shouted. "That song tore the roof off!"

No, Dominic, that song sucked. As does every other song Maroon 5 ever put out.

Thursday, September 4, 2008

Dominic Slipped You a Roofie

When you woke up this morning with a throbbing head and $350 dollars missing from your wallet, you must have thought you really drank a lot last night, 'cause you can't remember anything.

Well, actually, you only had one drink. Dominic put a roofie in it.

Wednesday, September 3, 2008

Dominic Took Your Car Out On a Joyride

See these shattered bits of glass collected under your windshield wipers? That's from when Dominic was driving your car through plate-glass windows.

Tuesday, September 2, 2008

Dominic Rented Vantage Point

Vantage Point??? We've already seen that and it wasn't that great.

Why did Dominic rent it again?

Monday, September 1, 2008

Dominic Threw Up In the Pool

Labor Day marks the unofficial end of summer. So naturally all the kids were excited to use the pool today just to get in as muc "pool fun" before the weather turns. They all came charging out of the house in their bathing suits, waving towels and cheering.

But when they came within sight of the pool, they all stopped short. There was Dominic, standing in the shallow end and throwing up by the bucketload.

"I wish I hadn't ate so much spaghetti!" Dominic shouted.

I guess the only pool fun we're gonna have today is pool cleaning "fun." :(

Friday, August 29, 2008

Dominic Gave You Negative Feedback on Your Ebay Account

*Sigh* So much for you 100% approval rating. Dominic went on your Ebay feedback profile and left this message:

I WANTED AN XBOX 360 BUT SELLER SENT ME A BUNCH OF HUMMEL FIGURES INSTEAD!!!!!!!

I don't know what Dominic was expecting. He never bid on an XBox. He bid on the collection of Hummel figurines you were auctioning.

But, wait! Dominic wrote more:

SO FURIOUS!!!!!!!!!!!! I SMASHED ALL HUMMELS WITH A HAMMER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! NOW SELLER WON'T GIVE ME FULL REFUND!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! WANT REFUND OR XBOX!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Why is it that even when he's typing, it seems like Dominic's shouting? :(

Thursday, August 28, 2008

Dominc Stole Your Sales Leads

So you started making cold calls after lunch, but everyone on your list said that Dominic had already called them that morning and made the sale. What happened?

It's pretty simple. Last night, Dominic went into your desk and Xeroxed your list of sales leads.

Wednesday, August 27, 2008

Tuesday, August 26, 2008

Dominic Got Us 86'd From That Great Bar

When the bartender was kicking us out, we tried to explain that it wasn't us who was slapping waitresses on the rear and picking fights with the customers. It was all Dominic.

"I don't care," said the bartender. "If you guys are going to bring riff-raff like your friend Dominic to my bar, then I don't want your business!"

The next time one of us finds a really great bar, let's all agree to not tell Dominic about it. ;)

Monday, August 25, 2008

Dominic Wants People To Start Calling Him "Thunder"

"Don't call me 'Dominic' anymore," Dominic shouted. "From now on, call me 'Thunder'!"

Yeah, right, "Thunder." I'll be sure and do that.

Friday, August 22, 2008

Dominic Threw the Big Game

We all came out to cheer on our favorite sports team in the big game. It was a very exciting game until it came down to the crucial play. That's when Dominic "twisted" his ankle, causing an unforced error that essentially handed the victory to the rival sports team.

Do you really think Dominic actually twisted his ankle? He was walking just fine after the game when he said he had to go meet his bookie.

Thursday, August 21, 2008

Dominic Made the Salad

A word of advice: Don't eat the salad. Dominic made it.

When he started tossing the salad with his hands, I could clearly see that he was wearing a band-aid. But when he finished tossing, the band-aid was gone.

Gee, where do you think the band-aid went? ;)

Wednesday, August 20, 2008

Dominic Hired a Bunch of High-Priced Lawyers

He's gonna need them if he hopes to beat all of those harrassment lawsuits :D

Tuesday, August 19, 2008

Dominic Threw Up All Over the Back of the Van

Dominic shouted, "I'll ride in the back! I Don't feel sick at all!"

Two minutes later, he's throwing up everywhere. "I wish I hadn't ate so many raw oysters!" Dominic shouted.

Monday, August 18, 2008

Dominic is Using Weasle Words

To support his point, Dominic keeps saying phrases like, "Many believe..." and "It is widely held that..."

If you ask him to be more specific as to who believes this or who holds that, Dominic can never give a straight answer.

Friday, August 15, 2008

Dominic is Selling "Stained Mattresses" on Craig's List

Who even wants to buy that? And for $80 bucks apiece?

Thursday, August 14, 2008

Dominic Just Yelled, "Hey, Baby! Shake It, Don't Break It!" As Your Sister Walked By

I think you should quietly pull Dominic aside and just tell him, "Hey, man, lay off. That's my sister."

Wednesday, August 13, 2008

Dominic is Wearing a Pair of Pink Sidewinders and a Bright Orange Pair of Pants

He could really be a Beau Brummell, baby, if he just gave it half a chance.

Tuesday, August 12, 2008

Dominic is Having a Birthday Today

He just ran up to you and sucker punched you in the gut!

"Birthday punch from the birthday boy!" Dominic shouted as you writhed on the ground.

Why did he do that? There's no "birthday punch" tradition. :o

Monday, August 11, 2008

Dominic Ruined the Backyard Cookout

The backyard cookout was a lot of fun until Dominic showed up. :(

The first thing he did was commandeer the stereo and start blasting "Crazy B*tch" by Buckcherry.

"No, Dominic!" we cried. "People brought their little kids to the backyard cookout! That song is inappropriate!"

"I love this song," Dominic shouted. "It has the F-word in it!"

Then Dominic began downing shots of Everclear. "Watch me!" he shouted. "I'll drink the whole liter!"

"No, Dominic!" we shouted. "That's too much! You'll make yourself sick!"

But it was too late! Dominic was throwing up everywhere!

"I wish I hadn't ate so much sushi!" Dominic shouted.

Friday, August 8, 2008

Dominic is Trying too Hard to be X-treme

"Alright, Windex!!!" Dominic shouted. "This is X-TREME window cleaning!!!"

No, Dominic. Putting the letter "x" in a product name doesn't automatically make it X-treme.

Thursday, August 7, 2008

Dominic Keeps Calling You "Pork Chop" Even Though He Knows You Don't Like It

When you say, "Please stop calling me 'Pork Chop,'" Dominic just shouts, "Oh, you! You say the funniest things, you silly little Pork Chop, you!"

Wednesday, August 6, 2008

Dominic Was Lying When He Said the Only Reason He Saw Mama Mia Was Because His Fiancée Forced Him

Are you ready for a shock? I just heard that Dominic's fiancée has never even seen Mama Mia!

That means, when Dominic ditched us to see it on opening night, he went to see it by himself! :o

Tuesday, August 5, 2008

Dominic Took Down a Little Kid with a Spin Kick to the Face

"I can do a spin kick!" Dominic shouted. "Watch me! Watch me do a spin kick!"

Then Dominic spin-kicked this little kid that just happened to be standing there, and he dropped the kid to the ground.

"Didja see me?!" Dominic shouted. "Didja see me do a spin kick? Wow, I bet that looked awesome!"

We took the little kid to the emergency room. Thank goodness he was okay. But Dominic just kept complaining that he thought he hurt his foot.

Monday, August 4, 2008

Dominic is Out of Control

Dominic doesn't like being physically restrained, but it just has to be done. He's out of control, screaming and swinging his fists. I'm afraid he's going to hurt someone or even himself. :D

Friday, August 1, 2008

Dominic Keyed Your Car

Dominic shouted, "You know what your car needs? Racing stripes!" Then he keyed it all down the side.

Thursday, July 31, 2008

Dominic Got You the Wrong China Pattern

Dominic didn't like the china pattern you chose for your wedding registry, so he took it upon himself to pick out a setting that he liked and bought you that. I don't know why. After all, it's not like he has to live with the pattern that you and your fiancée picked out for yourselves.

Anyway, now you’re going to have one china setting that doesn't match the rest of your settings.

Also, the china pattern he picked out has really ugly pictures of cows all over it. :P

Wednesday, July 30, 2008

Dominic Changed All of the Presets to Country Radio Stations

If Dominic wants all of the presets in his own car to be country radio stations, fine. But please leave other peoples' radios alone. >:(

Tuesday, July 29, 2008

Dominic Is Giving Our Waitress a Really Hard Time and Being a Real Jerk to Her

We should chip in a big tip because you know Dominic is only going to leave a penny.

Monday, July 28, 2008

Dominic Pushed You Down the Stairs

I bet you have no idea who it was that pushed you down the stairs. It happened so fast, there was no way you could have known what was was going on.

Well guess what? I saw the whole thing. I saw who did it. ;)

It was Dominic. Dominic pushed you down the stairs. :o

Thursday, July 24, 2008

Dominic is Giving You a VHS Copy of the Movie Freejack for Your Birthday

Seriously man, Freejack? What store even wants to carry that anymore?

I have no idea whether he found it in a clearance cent-bin, or if he just rummaged around in his old VHS collection until he found a tape he didn't want anymore. All I know is that he said he was giving it to you because he "didn't want to spend a lot" since he doesn't think you are "all that good of friends."

Wednesday, July 23, 2008

Dominic Says he Has the Cure for the Summertime Blues

"I'm here to cure your summertime blues with a good, sound horsewhipping!" Dominic shouted

Tuesday, July 22, 2008

Dominic Puts Cilantro In Everything

If Dominic ever offers to cook for you, I hope you like cilantro, because he loads all of his food with it.

Monday, July 21, 2008

Dominic Keeps Saying "Now This Red Cap Gets a Rap From His Critics"

The first time he said it, someone laughed because they recognized the song it's from. But then Dominic kept saying it.

I think Dominic wants it to be his catch phrase, but it doesn't make any sense. Dominic doesn't even wear a red cap! >:(

Friday, July 18, 2008

Dominic Kicked a Turd Under the Counter

When Dominic went into the store, it looked like he just wanted to have a friendly chat with the neighborhood shopkeeper. But really, it was so he could kick a small dog turd under the shopkeeper's counter where it's hard to see or reach with a broom.

Next week, Dominic went into the store again and shouted, "Pee-yew! What's that smell in here!?"

And the poor local shopkeeper? He doesn't have any idea. He's got plumbers in there ripping pipes out of the wall looking in vain for the source.

Thursday, July 17, 2008

Dominic Measured the Windows Wrong

When we got home from Lowe's, we found that none of the blinds fit the windows.

Looks like it was a mistake to put Dominic in charge of measuring. :(

Wednesday, July 16, 2008

Dominic Cheated at Sorry!

You're a way better Sorry! player than Dominic. You should have won. :(

Tuesday, July 15, 2008

Dominic Was Telling Really Raunchy Jokes

I'm so sorry your mother had to listen to all of that. :(

Monday, July 14, 2008

Dominic Was Hitting On Your Girlfriend

Did you see how Dominic was hitting on your girlfriend? I couln't believe that! I would have been so angry. I'm surprised you didn't punch him! :D

Friday, July 11, 2008

Dominic Used Unnecessary Quotes Marks in the Note He Left

Here is what the note says:

If you use my "calculator" for even a second, I will break your face.

--Sincerely, Dominic

Why did he put quotes marks around "calculator"? Is that a euphemism for something? I don't think so, because he left the note right next to his calculator.

Thursday, July 10, 2008

Dominic Told a Bunch of People That You're Gay

Dominic told a whole bunch of your coworkers at the office That you are a closet gay. He also told some people at your church including the pastor. They all totally believed him.

He also told Jeanie, which explains why she stopped going out with you after only two dates. ;)

Wednesday, July 9, 2008

Dominic Owns a Nickleback CD

Dominic was driving along and all of the sudden he pulls out a Nickleback CD and slaps it in the player. "These guys totally rock!" he shouted.

I can't believe Dominic spent actual money on a Nickleback CD. >:(

Tuesday, July 8, 2008

Dominic Broke the Chair and Then Stood It Back Up So Someone Else Would Get Blamed For It

The chair broke because Dominic was sitting in it improperly. But instead of telling someone, he just propped it back up and balanced it on the broken legs. That way, when the next person sits on it, it will look like they broke it.

"I don't want to get in trouble and have to pay for a new chair," Dominic shouted.

I wonder if it ever occured to Dominic that the next person to sit on the chair might get hurt. :(

Monday, July 7, 2008

Dominic Made a Big Scene at the Wedding Reception

When Dominic picked up the microphone, everyone thought that he was going to make a nice toast to the Happy Couple.

It was a big surprise when he started calling the bride all of those really bad names. :(

Friday, July 4, 2008

Dominic Left the Propane Grill On All Night

The Fourth of July is the perfect day for grilling... Unless, of course Dominic's around! He used the grill last night to cook some kebobs, but he didn't turn it off when he was done so the propane was going all night long.

Looks like we've got an empty propane tank, and the only grilling we'll be doing this Fourth is George Foreman grilling. :(

Thursday, July 3, 2008

Dominic Fed the Dog Chocolate

Looks like you'll have to break the news to the kids: their beloved pet has gone to Doggie Heaven :(

That's right. Looks like the dog "somehow" got into some chocolate and ate it. I put "somehow" in quotes because Dominic's playing like he's all innocent. He says, "The dog probably ate the chocolate out of the trash."

Right. Who leaves a whole chocolate bar in the trash? Especially when you have a dog?

Then Dominic says, "Even if I did give it to the dog, it's not like I knew chocolate was bad for them."

Huh. Kinda makes you suspicious when Dominic goes all changing his story like that, doesn't it?

Wednesday, July 2, 2008

Dominic Stripped the Head of the Phillips-head Screw

Dominic used too small a screwdriver for the screw. He kept grinding the screw even though it was clear it wasn't doing the job.

When he finally switched to a correct-size screwdriver, it was too late. The head of the screw was stripped. Now it's screwed halfway in and no one can screw it out or in.

Also, Dominic ruined the small screwdriver in the process.

Tuesday, July 1, 2008

Dominic Ate Peanut Butter Out of the Jar Using His Finger

If you're thinking of using that peanut butter jar, I wouldn't if I were you. Dominic stuck his finger in it to eat the peanut butter. And after he licked all the peanut butter off his finger, he stuck it back in the jar to get more!

So, yeah. Don't use that jar. I think I'm either going to throw it away, or else tell Dominic that it is his jar now and he can't use any of the other jars.

Dominic said that we could just get a spoon and scoop out everywhere his finger touched, but dude, come on. Are you serious?

Friday, June 27, 2008

Dominic Didn't Wash His Hands After Leaving the Bathroom

After Dominic left the bathroom, I asked him if he washed his hands. Dominic said, "Yes."

But I went into the bathroom and examined the sink. It was perfectly dry!

I guess Dominic expects people to think that a sink can get dry in only fifteen seconds! Nice try!

Thursday, June 26, 2008

Dominic Ate the Last Hot Dog

Other people wanted that hot dog, but Dominic didn't care. He ate it anyway :(

Dominic doesn't even like hot dogs. He just didn't want someone else to have it.