Friday, December 30, 2011

Dominic Cheated on his Taxes

Dominic told the IRS that he made twice as much money, than he actually did.

"I had to claim your children, to keep my taxes down!" Dominic shouted.

Wednesday, December 28, 2011

Dominic was Cut out of Granny's Will

Dominic seemed unusually calm during the reading of Granny's will. He didn't even get upset when it was reveled that all of Granny's possessions and money were going to The Institute for World Dominication.

And to think I was afraid that Dominic had tampered with the will.

Tuesday, December 27, 2011

Dominic Keeps Calling Your Landlady

Dominic called the landlady to complain about your lawn again and now she's hopping mad.

I think he did it because he knew I was away this weekend and would have to pay him to mow it.

"It's called exploitation!" Dominic shouted.

Sunday, December 25, 2011

Dominic Insisted on Hosting Christmas Dinner

Dominic insisted hosting Christmas Dinner this year.

"You have to microwave your own hot dog chunks!" Dominic shouted as we walked in the door.

He knows how much I hate hot dogs.

Friday, December 23, 2011

Dominic Has No Manners

"Don't mind if I have another of your bite-size canaries!" Dominic shouted.

Wednesday, December 21, 2011

Dominic Loves to Clean for People

"I cleaned all your precious pictures with the cleaning power of fire!" Dominic shouted. "The bill is in the mail!"

Monday, December 19, 2011

Dominic is Probably Going to Buy Your Car

"This car is perfect!" Dominic Shouted. "It's got your fingerprints on everything!"

Saturday, December 17, 2011

Dominic Cares About My Health

"Decaf is much better for you!" Dominic shouted. "I switched your coffee with Decaf, because I care about your health!"

Yes, that was decaffeinated, but it was really just a laxative.

I'm not sure what the judge found worse, the felon on trial or the juror who kept having to use the restroom.

Thursday, December 15, 2011

Dominic Got Personalized License Plates

"I had the DMV put 'MURDER' on my plates so everyone on the road can see how 'edgy' I am!" Dominic shouted.

"Then I got the specialized 'Kids First' plate so that everyone will know that I'm a new dad!"
Today's DMMA post was a revision of the 12/3/09 original.

Tuesday, December 13, 2011

Dominic's Party Goes Until the Crack of Dawn

"Nobody leaves until you smoke this crack-cocaine!!!" Dominic shouted.

I don't think Dawn is going to appreciate you giving out free samples of her stash.

Sunday, December 11, 2011

Dominic Opened a Dog Obedience School

"It's open Monday through Friday, 9am - 6pm; not federal holidays, so stop asking!!" Dominic shouted.

As far as I can tell, the only trick he's teaching these dogs is how to crap in my yard.

Friday, December 9, 2011

Dominic Did Something Thoughtful

"I knew how much you loved your dog, so I took him to the taxidermist and got him stuffed!" shouted Dominic.

Most people wait until their dog dies before they do that >:-(

"Now he's preserved in his prime!" Dominic shouted.

Wednesday, December 7, 2011

Dominic Has Taken Up Oil Painting

"I prefer to use Pennzoil 10W-40 Motor Oil on that large 3500 ft² canvas you call your 'beach house!'" Dominic shouted.

His fire looks so life-like.

Monday, December 5, 2011

Dominic Asked a Stupid Question

The lady running the seminar said we shouldn't be shy. "There's no such thing as a stupid question," she said.

"How long does it take a 10 pound catfish to rot when it's deep inside the HVAC ducts?!?!" Dominic shouted. "When will it get unbearable if the catfish was in there by 6:30 this morning!!!"

Saturday, December 3, 2011

Dominic Edited Your Book and Sent it to the Publisher

"The author's name is still pronounced 'Margo', but I corrected the spelling to 'D-o-m-i-n-i-c' wherever it appeared in the book!!!" Dominic shouted.

Thursday, December 1, 2011

Dominic Isn't Taking Any More Crap

"The closets and cabinets are full to capacity!" Dominic shouted.

He didn't even thank everyone for their generous donations.