Tuesday, January 31, 2012

Dominic Organized Your Papers

"I filed everything chronologically!" Dominic shouted. 

That might work. Go on.

"The first paper in the filing cabinet drawer is the first paper I put in the filing cabinet. At the very back of the bottom drawer is the last piece of paper I put in the filing cabinet!"

Nevermind. That won't work.

Submitted by Dominic 

Sunday, January 29, 2012

Dominic Could Have Made It

"I just didn't want you to think that I was faking again! Bwarfwaggggloppppr!!" Dominic shouted as he threw up on my shoes.

Dominic could have made it to the bathroom.

Monday, January 16, 2012

Dominic Just Needs Someone to Talk To

Dominic keeps calling and keeping me on the phone for hours.

"I can't decide what my favorite color is! Lavender or Lilac!" Dominic shouted. "I just love them both so much!"

This really doesn't warrant middle of the night phone calls.

Wednesday, January 11, 2012

Dominic Says He's Getting in Touch with His Inner Gangster

He's changed all of the vowels in his name to Numbers.


Monday, January 9, 2012

Dominic is Driving with his Visor Down

"I drive with my visor down, so I can't see the traffic lights!" Dominic shouted. "If I can't see them, they don't count!"

Saturday, January 7, 2012

Dominic Came to my Lecture

Dominic came to show his support during my lecture. He sat in the first row and made faces at me the entire time. The air horn was particularly distracting.

Thursday, January 5, 2012

Dominic is Saying a Novena for a New Job

Dominic is saying a novena for a new job, specifically, my job.

Tuesday, January 3, 2012

Dominic Had an Easy Commute

Dominic orange-coned the left lane. He was able to take the special Dominic Lane on the way home from work, which took him 45 minutes less than it usually does.

...but it took me an extra 45 minutes.

Sunday, January 1, 2012

Dominic Ordered a Complicated Drink at a Crowded Bar

"First, you take 5/8 of a shot of Sour Apple Pucker and shake it 23 times, then you take 3 and 7/52 parts of Captain Morgan's spiced Rum and set it on fire for four and a half seconds, then you pour the sour apple pucker over a spoon over the rum, then you put 5 13/49 parts of jagermeister and then stir it 39 times. Then you garish with pickles and 12 marshmallows!" Dominic shouted.
Then Dominic downed the entire drink and shouted, "That was the worst Captain Puckermeister I've ever had! Do it again! This time don't screw it up!"

I had to wait at least 20 minutes before I could order my drink.