Thursday, July 31, 2008

Dominic Got You the Wrong China Pattern

Dominic didn't like the china pattern you chose for your wedding registry, so he took it upon himself to pick out a setting that he liked and bought you that. I don't know why. After all, it's not like he has to live with the pattern that you and your fiancée picked out for yourselves.

Anyway, now you’re going to have one china setting that doesn't match the rest of your settings.

Also, the china pattern he picked out has really ugly pictures of cows all over it. :P

Wednesday, July 30, 2008

Dominic Changed All of the Presets to Country Radio Stations

If Dominic wants all of the presets in his own car to be country radio stations, fine. But please leave other peoples' radios alone. >:(

Tuesday, July 29, 2008

Dominic Is Giving Our Waitress a Really Hard Time and Being a Real Jerk to Her

We should chip in a big tip because you know Dominic is only going to leave a penny.

Monday, July 28, 2008

Dominic Pushed You Down the Stairs

I bet you have no idea who it was that pushed you down the stairs. It happened so fast, there was no way you could have known what was was going on.

Well guess what? I saw the whole thing. I saw who did it. ;)

It was Dominic. Dominic pushed you down the stairs. :o

Thursday, July 24, 2008

Dominic is Giving You a VHS Copy of the Movie Freejack for Your Birthday

Seriously man, Freejack? What store even wants to carry that anymore?

I have no idea whether he found it in a clearance cent-bin, or if he just rummaged around in his old VHS collection until he found a tape he didn't want anymore. All I know is that he said he was giving it to you because he "didn't want to spend a lot" since he doesn't think you are "all that good of friends."

Wednesday, July 23, 2008

Dominic Says he Has the Cure for the Summertime Blues

"I'm here to cure your summertime blues with a good, sound horsewhipping!" Dominic shouted

Tuesday, July 22, 2008

Dominic Puts Cilantro In Everything

If Dominic ever offers to cook for you, I hope you like cilantro, because he loads all of his food with it.

Monday, July 21, 2008

Dominic Keeps Saying "Now This Red Cap Gets a Rap From His Critics"

The first time he said it, someone laughed because they recognized the song it's from. But then Dominic kept saying it.

I think Dominic wants it to be his catch phrase, but it doesn't make any sense. Dominic doesn't even wear a red cap! >:(

Friday, July 18, 2008

Dominic Kicked a Turd Under the Counter

When Dominic went into the store, it looked like he just wanted to have a friendly chat with the neighborhood shopkeeper. But really, it was so he could kick a small dog turd under the shopkeeper's counter where it's hard to see or reach with a broom.

Next week, Dominic went into the store again and shouted, "Pee-yew! What's that smell in here!?"

And the poor local shopkeeper? He doesn't have any idea. He's got plumbers in there ripping pipes out of the wall looking in vain for the source.

Thursday, July 17, 2008

Dominic Measured the Windows Wrong

When we got home from Lowe's, we found that none of the blinds fit the windows.

Looks like it was a mistake to put Dominic in charge of measuring. :(

Wednesday, July 16, 2008

Dominic Cheated at Sorry!

You're a way better Sorry! player than Dominic. You should have won. :(

Tuesday, July 15, 2008

Dominic Was Telling Really Raunchy Jokes

I'm so sorry your mother had to listen to all of that. :(

Monday, July 14, 2008

Dominic Was Hitting On Your Girlfriend

Did you see how Dominic was hitting on your girlfriend? I couln't believe that! I would have been so angry. I'm surprised you didn't punch him! :D

Friday, July 11, 2008

Dominic Used Unnecessary Quotes Marks in the Note He Left

Here is what the note says:

If you use my "calculator" for even a second, I will break your face.

--Sincerely, Dominic

Why did he put quotes marks around "calculator"? Is that a euphemism for something? I don't think so, because he left the note right next to his calculator.

Thursday, July 10, 2008

Dominic Told a Bunch of People That You're Gay

Dominic told a whole bunch of your coworkers at the office That you are a closet gay. He also told some people at your church including the pastor. They all totally believed him.

He also told Jeanie, which explains why she stopped going out with you after only two dates. ;)

Wednesday, July 9, 2008

Dominic Owns a Nickleback CD

Dominic was driving along and all of the sudden he pulls out a Nickleback CD and slaps it in the player. "These guys totally rock!" he shouted.

I can't believe Dominic spent actual money on a Nickleback CD. >:(

Tuesday, July 8, 2008

Dominic Broke the Chair and Then Stood It Back Up So Someone Else Would Get Blamed For It

The chair broke because Dominic was sitting in it improperly. But instead of telling someone, he just propped it back up and balanced it on the broken legs. That way, when the next person sits on it, it will look like they broke it.

"I don't want to get in trouble and have to pay for a new chair," Dominic shouted.

I wonder if it ever occured to Dominic that the next person to sit on the chair might get hurt. :(

Monday, July 7, 2008

Dominic Made a Big Scene at the Wedding Reception

When Dominic picked up the microphone, everyone thought that he was going to make a nice toast to the Happy Couple.

It was a big surprise when he started calling the bride all of those really bad names. :(

Friday, July 4, 2008

Dominic Left the Propane Grill On All Night

The Fourth of July is the perfect day for grilling... Unless, of course Dominic's around! He used the grill last night to cook some kebobs, but he didn't turn it off when he was done so the propane was going all night long.

Looks like we've got an empty propane tank, and the only grilling we'll be doing this Fourth is George Foreman grilling. :(

Thursday, July 3, 2008

Dominic Fed the Dog Chocolate

Looks like you'll have to break the news to the kids: their beloved pet has gone to Doggie Heaven :(

That's right. Looks like the dog "somehow" got into some chocolate and ate it. I put "somehow" in quotes because Dominic's playing like he's all innocent. He says, "The dog probably ate the chocolate out of the trash."

Right. Who leaves a whole chocolate bar in the trash? Especially when you have a dog?

Then Dominic says, "Even if I did give it to the dog, it's not like I knew chocolate was bad for them."

Huh. Kinda makes you suspicious when Dominic goes all changing his story like that, doesn't it?

Wednesday, July 2, 2008

Dominic Stripped the Head of the Phillips-head Screw

Dominic used too small a screwdriver for the screw. He kept grinding the screw even though it was clear it wasn't doing the job.

When he finally switched to a correct-size screwdriver, it was too late. The head of the screw was stripped. Now it's screwed halfway in and no one can screw it out or in.

Also, Dominic ruined the small screwdriver in the process.

Tuesday, July 1, 2008

Dominic Ate Peanut Butter Out of the Jar Using His Finger

If you're thinking of using that peanut butter jar, I wouldn't if I were you. Dominic stuck his finger in it to eat the peanut butter. And after he licked all the peanut butter off his finger, he stuck it back in the jar to get more!

So, yeah. Don't use that jar. I think I'm either going to throw it away, or else tell Dominic that it is his jar now and he can't use any of the other jars.

Dominic said that we could just get a spoon and scoop out everywhere his finger touched, but dude, come on. Are you serious?