Friday, August 29, 2008

Dominic Gave You Negative Feedback on Your Ebay Account

*Sigh* So much for you 100% approval rating. Dominic went on your Ebay feedback profile and left this message:


I don't know what Dominic was expecting. He never bid on an XBox. He bid on the collection of Hummel figurines you were auctioning.

But, wait! Dominic wrote more:

SO FURIOUS!!!!!!!!!!!! I SMASHED ALL HUMMELS WITH A HAMMER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! NOW SELLER WON'T GIVE ME FULL REFUND!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! WANT REFUND OR XBOX!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Why is it that even when he's typing, it seems like Dominic's shouting? :(

Thursday, August 28, 2008

Dominc Stole Your Sales Leads

So you started making cold calls after lunch, but everyone on your list said that Dominic had already called them that morning and made the sale. What happened?

It's pretty simple. Last night, Dominic went into your desk and Xeroxed your list of sales leads.

Wednesday, August 27, 2008

Tuesday, August 26, 2008

Dominic Got Us 86'd From That Great Bar

When the bartender was kicking us out, we tried to explain that it wasn't us who was slapping waitresses on the rear and picking fights with the customers. It was all Dominic.

"I don't care," said the bartender. "If you guys are going to bring riff-raff like your friend Dominic to my bar, then I don't want your business!"

The next time one of us finds a really great bar, let's all agree to not tell Dominic about it. ;)

Monday, August 25, 2008

Dominic Wants People To Start Calling Him "Thunder"

"Don't call me 'Dominic' anymore," Dominic shouted. "From now on, call me 'Thunder'!"

Yeah, right, "Thunder." I'll be sure and do that.

Friday, August 22, 2008

Dominic Threw the Big Game

We all came out to cheer on our favorite sports team in the big game. It was a very exciting game until it came down to the crucial play. That's when Dominic "twisted" his ankle, causing an unforced error that essentially handed the victory to the rival sports team.

Do you really think Dominic actually twisted his ankle? He was walking just fine after the game when he said he had to go meet his bookie.

Thursday, August 21, 2008

Dominic Made the Salad

A word of advice: Don't eat the salad. Dominic made it.

When he started tossing the salad with his hands, I could clearly see that he was wearing a band-aid. But when he finished tossing, the band-aid was gone.

Gee, where do you think the band-aid went? ;)

Wednesday, August 20, 2008

Dominic Hired a Bunch of High-Priced Lawyers

He's gonna need them if he hopes to beat all of those harrassment lawsuits :D

Tuesday, August 19, 2008

Dominic Threw Up All Over the Back of the Van

Dominic shouted, "I'll ride in the back! I Don't feel sick at all!"

Two minutes later, he's throwing up everywhere. "I wish I hadn't ate so many raw oysters!" Dominic shouted.

Monday, August 18, 2008

Dominic is Using Weasle Words

To support his point, Dominic keeps saying phrases like, "Many believe..." and "It is widely held that..."

If you ask him to be more specific as to who believes this or who holds that, Dominic can never give a straight answer.

Friday, August 15, 2008

Dominic is Selling "Stained Mattresses" on Craig's List

Who even wants to buy that? And for $80 bucks apiece?

Thursday, August 14, 2008

Dominic Just Yelled, "Hey, Baby! Shake It, Don't Break It!" As Your Sister Walked By

I think you should quietly pull Dominic aside and just tell him, "Hey, man, lay off. That's my sister."

Wednesday, August 13, 2008

Dominic is Wearing a Pair of Pink Sidewinders and a Bright Orange Pair of Pants

He could really be a Beau Brummell, baby, if he just gave it half a chance.

Tuesday, August 12, 2008

Dominic is Having a Birthday Today

He just ran up to you and sucker punched you in the gut!

"Birthday punch from the birthday boy!" Dominic shouted as you writhed on the ground.

Why did he do that? There's no "birthday punch" tradition. :o

Monday, August 11, 2008

Dominic Ruined the Backyard Cookout

The backyard cookout was a lot of fun until Dominic showed up. :(

The first thing he did was commandeer the stereo and start blasting "Crazy B*tch" by Buckcherry.

"No, Dominic!" we cried. "People brought their little kids to the backyard cookout! That song is inappropriate!"

"I love this song," Dominic shouted. "It has the F-word in it!"

Then Dominic began downing shots of Everclear. "Watch me!" he shouted. "I'll drink the whole liter!"

"No, Dominic!" we shouted. "That's too much! You'll make yourself sick!"

But it was too late! Dominic was throwing up everywhere!

"I wish I hadn't ate so much sushi!" Dominic shouted.

Friday, August 8, 2008

Dominic is Trying too Hard to be X-treme

"Alright, Windex!!!" Dominic shouted. "This is X-TREME window cleaning!!!"

No, Dominic. Putting the letter "x" in a product name doesn't automatically make it X-treme.

Thursday, August 7, 2008

Dominic Keeps Calling You "Pork Chop" Even Though He Knows You Don't Like It

When you say, "Please stop calling me 'Pork Chop,'" Dominic just shouts, "Oh, you! You say the funniest things, you silly little Pork Chop, you!"

Wednesday, August 6, 2008

Dominic Was Lying When He Said the Only Reason He Saw Mama Mia Was Because His Fiancée Forced Him

Are you ready for a shock? I just heard that Dominic's fiancée has never even seen Mama Mia!

That means, when Dominic ditched us to see it on opening night, he went to see it by himself! :o

Tuesday, August 5, 2008

Dominic Took Down a Little Kid with a Spin Kick to the Face

"I can do a spin kick!" Dominic shouted. "Watch me! Watch me do a spin kick!"

Then Dominic spin-kicked this little kid that just happened to be standing there, and he dropped the kid to the ground.

"Didja see me?!" Dominic shouted. "Didja see me do a spin kick? Wow, I bet that looked awesome!"

We took the little kid to the emergency room. Thank goodness he was okay. But Dominic just kept complaining that he thought he hurt his foot.

Monday, August 4, 2008

Dominic is Out of Control

Dominic doesn't like being physically restrained, but it just has to be done. He's out of control, screaming and swinging his fists. I'm afraid he's going to hurt someone or even himself. :D

Friday, August 1, 2008

Dominic Keyed Your Car

Dominic shouted, "You know what your car needs? Racing stripes!" Then he keyed it all down the side.