Monday, November 23, 2009

Dominic Replaced the Sugar with Salt.

I wish I knew that before I mailed that batch of cookies to the soldiers fighting in Iraq.

Today's DMMA post was submitted by Margaret.

Wednesday, November 18, 2009

Dominic Is Starting Another "Charity"

Dominic's idea this time is to buy up all the water rights in drought-stricken countries and label it as 'artisan water' to sell at a huge mark-up in trendy boutique stores.

I have to admit, I'm not following Dominic's logic here. How is taking away poor people's water and selling it to the rich a "charity"?

"It's a precious commodity!" Dominic shouted. "Don't you understand?! The more you drink, the poorer they become!"

So then it's not so much a charity as it is stealing from poor people...

Today's DMMA post was submitted by Dan

Tuesday, November 17, 2009

Dominic Uses the Washing Machine Like it's His Personal Laundry Hamper

"Whenever I have an article of clothing that needs washing, I don't want it in my room, so I just throw it in the washing machine!" shouted Dominic. "I don't wash it right away, though! I let clothes build up over the course of weeks!"

What if someone takes your clothes out of the machine to do their own laundry?

"That makes me super angry!" Dominic shouted. "I always start screaming, 'How dare you put my clothes on the floor! don't you ever do that again!!'"

Oh, man. Washing machine hogs are like my biggest pet peeve ever.

Monday, November 16, 2009

Dominic Coins the Worst Aphorisms

"Give a man a match, and he's warm for a minute!" Dominic shouted. "Set a man on fire, and he's warm for the rest of his life!"

This aphorism really was submitted by Dominic, while he was trying to set me on fire.

Wednesday, November 11, 2009

Dominic Thinks it's Hilarious to Drive on the Sidewalk

"I'm putting the 'laughter' in 'manslaughter'!" Dominic shouted.

Today's DMMA post was submitted by Tim.

Thursday, November 5, 2009

Dominic Is Sick of His Newborn Baby Sleeping Twenty Hours a Day

"People only need seven hours of sleep, eight hours tops!" Dominic shouted. "but my lazy son doesn't wake up to normal alarm clocks!"

"That's why I had to make my own alarm clock! Now Baby Will can wake up to the dulcet tones of this foghorn!"

Today's DMMA post was submitted by Ann S.

Tuesday, November 3, 2009

Dominic is going to the Polls to Vote Today

"I'm gonna to hit at least sixteen polling stations and vote at all of them!" Dominic shouted.

You'd better not, Dominic. Voter fraud is illegal and unethical.

"No, it's okay!" Dominic shouted. "I'm only canceling out my wife's multiple votes!"

Today's DMMA post was submitted by Dominic.

Monday, November 2, 2009

Dominic is Correcting People's Grammar with Non-Existent Rules

"The post office is further down the block," I said.

"You mean to say that the post office is farther down the block!" Dominic shouted. "'Further' is only correct when using the sectarian tense!"