Wednesday, November 30, 2011

Dominic Used His Survival Skills

I got locked in the bathroom. I had to survive off of toilet paper and toothpaste sandwiches...mmm! " Dominic shouted.

He used up all the tooth paste in under an hour, was that necessary?"

Monday, November 28, 2011

Dominic Believes in Sharing

"Do we have any clean underpants left or did I use your last pair?!" shouted Dominic.

I think there are some things that people just shouldn't share. Did you check the freezer :(

Saturday, November 26, 2011

Dominic is Not Following Community Expectations

Wearing ass-less chaps and walking on the left side of the side walk is not following community expectations.

"It's just what the community expects of me!" shouted Dominic.

Friday, November 25, 2011

Dominic Cleaned up after Dinner

Dominic had told Granny to go to bed after dinner. He told her that he would clean up, but when Granny came downstairs this morning she discovered that the only thing he had done was taken all of the left overs.

"I've been robbed!" Granny shouted.

He didn't even clear the table.

Thursday, November 24, 2011

Dominic Brought the Mashed Potatoes

At least he could have thawed the tater tots before he put them in the blender and served them.

Tuesday, November 22, 2011

Dominic Claims He Can Speak Russian

"Яussian Яuffles have Яed Яidges!!" Dominic shouted.

I'm relatively certain that's not how you speak Russian. I guess I overpaid for his "translation services."

Sunday, November 20, 2011

Dominic Believes There is a Little Bit of Good in Everyone

"All you have to do is look for the good in people and once you've found it...let the exploitation begin!" shouted Dominic

Friday, November 18, 2011

Dominic Isn't Going to Leave Anything Behind

In his will he specified that he wants to be buried with all of his possessions and he wants all of his friends to be buried alive with him.

It's a good thing he doesn't have any of these things.

Wednesday, November 16, 2011

Dominic Showed His Support at the Autism Awareness Rally.

Everyone was having a good time until Dominic showed up with Molotov cocktails.

If he had actually read the flyer I gave him, he would have known that it was supposed to be a peaceful rally.

Monday, November 14, 2011

Dominic Crashed the Cocktail Party

I don’t think seeing Dominic throwing up all over his toga made a good impression on the potential investors.

"I wish I hadn't eaten so much scrapple!" shouted Dominic

Saturday, November 12, 2011

Dominic Partook in a Civil War Reenactment

Dominic was reading about a civil war reenactment at a nearby battlefield. Dominic was truly touched by the account and wanted to take part, so he dressed in one of his old uniforms and headed over to the local park.

“I’m reenacting the famous battle of my emotions!” shouted Dominic as he threw fire crackers at the children as they ran away in terror.

“This time, Victory will be Mine!

Thursday, November 10, 2011

Dominic is making Malted Milkshakes

When I took out my winter sweaters and coats I noticed that they were laden with moth holes.

"I used the moth balls to make malted milk shakes!" shouted Dominic shouted

That's not how you make malted milkshakes.

Tuesday, November 8, 2011

Dominic Offered to Give Your Wife a Surprise C-Section

"I'll throw in Bonus Liposuction for free since she is so fat!" Dominic shouted.

I've never even heard of the Medical School of Hard Knox. Is that even accredited?

Friday, November 4, 2011

Dominic Broke My Washing Machine

"I can't believe I was able to fit 45 pounds of dead cat in here!" shouted Dominic

The average washing machine is designed to hold 11 pounds of laundry. >:-(

Wednesday, November 2, 2011

Dominic Helped Changed My Bandage.

"I soaked the bandage in salted lemon juice to help kill germs!" shouted Dominic