Monday, December 14, 2009
Thursday, December 10, 2009
I saw Dominic filling up at the gas station as I drove by so I waved, but Dominic gave me the finger! I thought, “Surely, that’s meant for the car behind me,” but then Dominic shouted, “Screw you, Vincent!”
I guess I won’t be bailing him out of jail anymore. :(
Today's DMMA post was submitted by Dominic's brother Vincent
Wednesday, December 9, 2009
Monday, December 7, 2009
There are no tarantulas in Fredericksburg, VA. What are you talking about?
"When you were at work, I let loose several dozen in your kitchen!" Dominic shouted. "They're imported!"
Today's DMMA post was suggested by John S.
Thursday, December 3, 2009
"Then I got the specialized 'Kids First' plate so that everyone will know that I'm a new dad!"
Today's DMMA post was suggested by Dominic.
Wednesday, December 2, 2009
Monday, November 23, 2009
Wednesday, November 18, 2009
I have to admit, I'm not following Dominic's logic here. How is taking away poor people's water and selling it to the rich a "charity"?
"It's a precious commodity!" Dominic shouted. "Don't you understand?! The more you drink, the poorer they become!"
So then it's not so much a charity as it is stealing from poor people...
Today's DMMA post was submitted by Dan
Tuesday, November 17, 2009
What if someone takes your clothes out of the machine to do their own laundry?
"That makes me super angry!" Dominic shouted. "I always start screaming, 'How dare you put my clothes on the floor! don't you ever do that again!!'"
Oh, man. Washing machine hogs are like my biggest pet peeve ever.
Monday, November 16, 2009
Wednesday, November 11, 2009
Thursday, November 5, 2009
"That's why I had to make my own alarm clock! Now Baby Will can wake up to the dulcet tones of this foghorn!"
Today's DMMA post was submitted by Ann S.
Tuesday, November 3, 2009
You'd better not, Dominic. Voter fraud is illegal and unethical.
"No, it's okay!" Dominic shouted. "I'm only canceling out my wife's multiple votes!"
Today's DMMA post was submitted by Dominic.
Monday, November 2, 2009
"You mean to say that the post office is farther down the block!" Dominic shouted. "'Further' is only correct when using the sectarian tense!"
Thursday, October 29, 2009
That's what Dominic says but I think the real reason is because he knows how much I hate the word "nipple."
Today's Dominic Makes Me Angry post was submitted by Bridget K.
Tuesday, October 27, 2009
"We don't sell diapers," said the clerk behind the register. "This is a liquor store."
Dominic got furious. He shouted, "You mean I have to go to one store for food and a completely different store for diapers?!"
Today's Dominic Makes Me Angry post was submitted by Jason K.
Monday, October 26, 2009
To illustrate his point, he grabbed the five-quart pot full of boiling water and spaghetti and dashed the contents against the wall.
"Nope! Nothing stuck!" Dominic shouted as the steaming mess of noodles slid off the wall and scalding water spread across the floor. "I'd give it two more minutes!" he shouted, returning the empty five quart pot to the hot burner.
Today's post was submitted/loosely suggested by Anthony S.
Wednesday, October 21, 2009
Tuesday, October 20, 2009
Five-year old John Michael did his best to eat those 1.2 kilograms of creamed corn as fast as he could with Dominic repeatedly shouting "Chow down, Marine!" in his face.
Then John Michael threw up.
Jeez, Dominic, you could have at least heated up John Michael's creamed corn.
Today's post was submitted by Chris M. who says he's got six kids that he'll never let Dominic babysit.
Wednesday, October 14, 2009
"Ry Guy has also added a search feature in the sidebar if you want to look for a specific post without scrolling back through all the archives!"
Tuesday, October 13, 2009
* Today's Dominic Makes Me Angry Post was submitted by Margaret.
Thursday, October 8, 2009
"Would you eat this in under ten minutes if I said you'd get a free T-shirt?!" Dominic shouted, holding up a five-gallon bucket filled with broken glass shards.
Wednesday, October 7, 2009
Tuesday, October 6, 2009
"I wouldn't know," I said, hoping that Dominic would stop telling me about these people soon. "I never watch the show.
"And when it came out that Jon had an affair, I knew that everyone would automatically take Jon's side!" Dominic shouted. "Everyone thinks that Kate is such a horrible nag that they believed she just drove Jon away!"
"I don't know anything about this," I said. "I really have no idea who these people are."
"Now Jon's true nature is coming out and people are starting to see what I've been saying all along!" Dominic shouted. "Jon's just a money-grubbing opportunist! Kate's better off without him!"
"I really don't want to know about any of this," I said. "I never watch the show, I don't care about them, and I have absolutely zero interest in learning anything about Jon and Kate's marital problems."
"Oh, good!" Dominic shouted. "That means you're a neutral party! Lemme explain how this all came about starting in season one!"
Dominic then went on to explain in detail how Jon and Kate's marriage evolved from season one, completely ignoring the fact that tears were streaming down my face as I screamed "LALALALALA!" at the top of my lungs and repeatedly punched my ears, hoping to inflict permanent deafness.
Thursday, September 24, 2009
Wednesday, September 23, 2009
Tuesday, September 22, 2009
Monday, September 21, 2009
Tuesday, September 15, 2009
Monday, September 14, 2009
Thursday, September 10, 2009
Wednesday, September 9, 2009
Tuesday, September 8, 2009
Wednesday, September 2, 2009
Tuesday, September 1, 2009
Monday, August 31, 2009
Um, Dominic, that's not a magic wand. That's a .44 Magnum. Who do you think you are, Harry Callahan?
"More like Harry Potter!" Dominic shouted.
Friday, August 28, 2009
I was so wrapped up in what I was doing, it took me a minute or so before I realized Dominic was even there.
"Oh, hey, Dominic," I said. "Can I do something for you?"
I was almost hoping that Dominic would shout something demoralizing at me. But he didn't. He shrugged his shoulders and gave a weary shake of the head. Then he just stood there, silent, with that you-disgust-me expression.
It's so hard to work with him two feet away from me like that. I just know he's finding something wrong with the way I'm doing my job.
Wednesday, August 26, 2009
That didn't crash the internet even a little bit. All it did was reveal top search result for "the" to be "The Onion."
Tuesday, August 25, 2009
Monday, August 24, 2009
Thursday, August 20, 2009
Wednesday, August 19, 2009
Tuesday, August 18, 2009
Monday, August 17, 2009
We all just want to know what it means, and we are getting a little impatient with Dominic's philosophical detachment.
Thursday, August 13, 2009
"What are the odds?!
"Think about it!
Wheels within wheels, my friend!"
Wednesday, August 12, 2009
Tuesday, August 11, 2009
Geez. No one's laughing at his material; he's totally dying up there. Why doesn't he bring out some props or something?
"We are alone! So totally alone!"
Boo! Do your John Madden impression, Dominic!
Monday, August 10, 2009
Dominic's dad didn't say anything. He just shifted uncomfortably in his seat.
Wednesday, August 5, 2009
Tuesday, August 4, 2009
But we haven't even teed off yet. Why is he taking a two-stroke penalty for moving a ball that isn't even in play?
"Because I'm following a ******* gentleman's code of honor, jerk!" Dominic shouted as he took out his putter and began furiously cracking the heads of anyone who objected.
Monday, August 3, 2009
"Look, just let me finish what I'm doing and I promise you I won't take your drapes and set them on any mires, okay?!"
Thursday, July 30, 2009
Wednesday, July 29, 2009
Tuesday, July 28, 2009
Dominic Decided to Close Down His Meth Lab Because it was Interfering with His Vocation to Become a Priest
"In that way, it was kinda like my marriage!"
Monday, July 27, 2009
But if that vision Dominic had up on the mountain was so important, then why isn't Dominic wearing a purple wig right now?
Kinda makes you think Dominic might be a fraud, doesn't it?
Thursday, July 23, 2009
"Stop complaining!" Dominic shouted! "Keep blogging about my amazing adventures!"
Wednesday, July 22, 2009
Tuesday, July 21, 2009
Monday, July 20, 2009
Thursday, July 16, 2009
"It's meant to be ironic!" Dominic shouted.
Wednesday, July 15, 2009
Dominic is the Bold Swashbuckler, Sailing the High Seas Aboard His Gallant Ship on a Quest for Grand Adventure
Tuesday, July 14, 2009
Monday, July 13, 2009
Thursday, July 9, 2009
Sorry Governor. It doesn't matter what new evidence has come to light at this point. You don't have the authority to override a "no erasies."
Wednesday, July 8, 2009
Tuesday, July 7, 2009
Monday, July 6, 2009
Thursday, July 2, 2009
Wednesday, July 1, 2009
You saw that movie, like, eight or nine years ago and you didn't get that until just now?
Tuesday, June 30, 2009
Monday, June 29, 2009
Thursday, June 25, 2009
Wednesday, June 24, 2009
Tuesday, June 23, 2009
Dominic Has Stamped Envelopes From Estonia, Macedonia,Portugal, the Azores, Puerto Rico, the Caymans, Paruguay, the Phillipenes, Vietnam, Kenya...
I asked him if I could have the envelopes so I could steam them and add to my stamp collection.
Dominic shouted, "No! I put them all in a shredder because I don't want you to have them!"
*Sigh* I shouldn't have waited so long to ask him.
Maybe next year, I'll try asking him on Father's Day, when he might be in a better mood.
Monday, June 22, 2009
Thursday, June 18, 2009
Wednesday, June 17, 2009
Tuesday, June 16, 2009
Monday, June 15, 2009
Dominic Built a Robot out of Cardboard Boxes, Vacuum Cleaner Attachments, and an Old Tape Cassette Player
Thursday, June 11, 2009
Wednesday, June 10, 2009
"I don't want you to get confused and think I'm talking about those hand masks!" Dominic shouted, pointing at the gloves.
Tuesday, June 9, 2009
Monday, June 8, 2009
Thursday, June 4, 2009
And with that explanation, Dominic resumed stomping hamsters.
Wednesday, June 3, 2009
Tuesday, June 2, 2009
Monday, June 1, 2009
Thursday, May 28, 2009
Wednesday, May 27, 2009
Tuesday, May 26, 2009
Thursday, May 21, 2009
Wednesday, May 20, 2009
Tuesday, May 19, 2009
Monday, May 18, 2009
Thursday, May 14, 2009
Wednesday, May 13, 2009
Tuesday, May 12, 2009
Monday, May 11, 2009
Thursday, May 7, 2009
Wednesday, May 6, 2009
Tuesday, May 5, 2009
Monday, May 4, 2009
Thursday, April 30, 2009
Wednesday, April 29, 2009
Tuesday, April 28, 2009
Monday, April 27, 2009
Thursday, April 23, 2009
"Of course not, dummy!" Dominic shouted. "Magic doesn't work either! What are you, five?!"
Wednesday, April 22, 2009
Dominic Doesn't Think You're Really Appreciating All of the Nuances of Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull
You can struggle against your bonds all you want. You're stuck in that chair.
Tuesday, April 21, 2009
Monday, April 20, 2009
Thursday, April 16, 2009
Um, Dominic, do you realize that you'll be sharing the Space Station with other astronauts in a confined space, breathing recycled air? :(
"It works out to about five cans a day!" Dominic shouted.
Wednesday, April 15, 2009
Tuesday, April 14, 2009
Then he threw it on the ground, stomped on it, and handed it back to the kindergartener.
It was a picture of you, Dominic. It was supposed to be a picture of you. :(
Monday, April 13, 2009
"The best place to hide them was in your vents!" He shouted.
"Then I noticed your house was a little chilly, so I turned the heat way up and left!"
That explains the horrific stench that woke up the entire household on Easter morning. :(
Thursday, April 9, 2009
Wednesday, April 8, 2009
But this is a desert island! It doesn't have twenty pontoons! :(
"Hey! I'm doing the hard part!" Dominic shouted. "I'm the one who will have to build a whole dang ol' raft! All I'm asking you to do is bring me a lousy twenty pontoons!"
Tuesday, April 7, 2009
Monday, April 6, 2009
Um, Dominic, exposing yourself to gamma radiation does not really make you turn into the Hulk. It just gives you radiation sickness. :(
"Still!" Dominic shouted. "You wouldn't like it when a guy with radiation sickness gets angry!"
Friday, April 3, 2009
Thursday, April 2, 2009
"I can show you the world!" Dominic shouted. "Shining, shimmering, splendid! Tell me, princess, now when did you last let your heart decide?!"
Did that convince you to ride on Dominic's "magic carpet"? No? Dominic keeps on shouting; "A whole new world! A new fantastic point of view! No one to tell us no! Or where to go! Or say we're only dreaming!"
Wednesday, April 1, 2009
What follows is the REAL blog post for April 1, 2009:
I don't feel awful about all the awfully true things I've said on this blog about Dominic. I thought he was just this big jerkface.
But then he goes on his very own Facebook page to promote my actually is true and not an April Fool's joke, new blog, Duck with a Gun. What a nicely self-serving thing to do! Maybe I've not been wrong about him all along!
I guess I'll never have to rethink my purpose on this blog. I'll never not post a bad thing about him again!
Tuesday, March 31, 2009
Dominic Realized That When the Time is 2:52, it Still Reads 25:2 if He Flips His Digital Clock Upside Down
"That's the spookiest thing I've ever seen!" Dominic shouted. "I'm a firm believer in numerology now!"
Monday, March 30, 2009
Friday, March 27, 2009
Thursday, March 26, 2009
Wednesday, March 25, 2009
"Stalin said he was going to send me to one of his Gulag camps! I said, 'Oh boy! A real Soviet Gulag!' I'd heard so much about them, and not I was going to see one for real!"
Tuesday, March 24, 2009
But, what if the baby doesn't have extra toes or a monobrow?
"In that case," Dominic shouted. "Baby's name is 'Cut Out of the Will'!"
Monday, March 23, 2009
Friday, March 20, 2009
Dominic Left a Note in the Bathroom Which is the Beginning of a Long Series of Clues You Have to Follow to Find Out Where He Hid All the Toilet Paper
Thursday, March 19, 2009
"Come, Dominic," said he, "I must have you dance. I hate to see you standing about by yourself in this stupid manner. You had much better dance."
"I certainly shall not!" Dominic shouted "You know how I detest it, unless I am particularly acquainted with my partner! At such an assembly as this, it would be insupportable! Your sisters are engaged, and there is not another woman in the room whom it would not be a punishment to me to stand up with!"
"I would not be so fastidious as you are," cried Bingley, "for a kingdom! Upon my honour I never met with so many pleasant girls in my life, as I have this evening; and there are several of them, you see, uncommonly pretty."
"You are dancing with the only handsome girl in the room!" Dominic shouted, looking at the eldest Miss Bennet.
"Oh! she is the most beautiful creature I ever beheld! But there is one of her sisters sitting down just behind you, who is very pretty, and I dare say very agreeable. Do let me ask my partner to introduce you."
"Which do you mean?!" Dominic shouted. Turning round, he looked for a moment at Elizabeth, till catching her eye, he withdrew his own and shouted, "She is tolerable! But not handsome enough to tempt me!"
Wednesday, March 18, 2009
In fact I seriously doubt that there is any accredited college in the world that even offers a major in kicking your butt.
So, nice try with the threat, Dominic, but I'm not buying it.
Tuesday, March 17, 2009
Apparantly, Dominic does.
Monday, March 16, 2009
Friday, March 13, 2009
Thursday, March 12, 2009
Wednesday, March 11, 2009
Here's the script--it's only three sentences:
If you drink, then drive, you put everyone on the road at risk. And you WILL be arrested. So be smart and designate a driver.
That's it. Pretty simple right?
But every time we have Dominic in the studio to record a take, here's what he shouts into the microphone:
If you drink, then DRIVE!
C'mon, Dominic. Read the rest so the studio guys can wrap and go home.
Tuesday, March 10, 2009
Now, I want to be very careful in letting you know that it would be illegal for me to advise you to shred any incriminating documents that Dominic may have told the Feds about.
Monday, March 9, 2009
Friday, March 6, 2009
Thursday, March 5, 2009
Dominic is Rating This on a Scale of One to Ten, Specifying "Ten Being the Highest and One Being the Lowest"
Wednesday, March 4, 2009
Monday, March 2, 2009
Friday, February 27, 2009
Thursday, February 26, 2009
Wednesday, February 25, 2009
Tuesday, February 24, 2009
Monday, February 23, 2009
Friday, February 20, 2009
Thursday, February 19, 2009
Wow. That was quite a speech. Dominic sure takes his job at Carfax seriously.
It still doesn't explain why he ordered the code red on Santiago.
Wednesday, February 18, 2009
Tuesday, February 17, 2009
Monday, February 16, 2009
Friday, February 13, 2009
Thursday, February 12, 2009
Wednesday, February 11, 2009
Tuesday, February 10, 2009
Monday, February 9, 2009
Friday, February 6, 2009
Thursday, February 5, 2009
Wednesday, February 4, 2009
Tuesday, February 3, 2009
Monday, February 2, 2009
"Dolphins are NOT mammals, you MORONS!!!" he's screaming. "Bears are mammals!!! Donkeys are mammals!!! Does a dolphin look like a donkey to you!?! NO!!! It looks like a FISH!!! Because dolphins are FISH!!! You are either lying or just stupid, Animal Planet!!! Either way, you deserve to DIE!!! I'm going to KILL you!!! KILL!!!!! They're FISH!!! FISH!!!!!! FIIIIIIIIISH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
That's an exact quote of what he's screaming at the TV right now.
I decide to go outside, and just out of curiosity, I walk down to the end of the block. Unbelievable. I can hear his shrieking at the TV all the way out here. So I decide to time him. He goes on screaming for eleven minutes, thirty-two seconds.
Now it's completely silent, so I go back inside to check on Dominic.
There he is, curled up on the floor in front of the TV, fast asleep.
Friday, January 30, 2009
Thursday, January 29, 2009
Wednesday, January 28, 2009
"Did you notice that I'm the only one doing the Lynndie England 'thumbs up' pose in every single picture!?" Dominic shouted.
Yes, Dominic, that was the very first thing I noticed about these photos.
Tuesday, January 27, 2009
Monday, January 26, 2009
Friday, January 23, 2009
Thursday, January 22, 2009
Wednesday, January 21, 2009
I'm pretty sure that diet will eventually kill you. :(
Tuesday, January 20, 2009
Monday, January 19, 2009
Have the last remnants of the Old Republic been swept away? Impossible. How will the Emperor maintain control without the bureaucracy?
"The regional governors now have direct control over their territories!" Dominic shouted. "Fear will keep the local systems in line! Fear of this battle station!"
Okay, Dominic, if you say so. Just so long as there are no exploitable weaknesses in this battle station. ;)
Friday, January 16, 2009
But most of all, Starfire loved Dominic. Oh, the adventures they would go on! Through thick and thin, they built a friendship that was as enduring as the sun and mountains. Starfire's loyalty to Dominic was legendary. What stories could be told!
Then, the other day, Dominic said he was getting too old to have a magic unicorn friend. So he slaughtered Starfire by crushing Starfire's skull with a fifteen pound hammer. Then Dominic sold the carcass to a processing plant where magical Starfire was ground into bone meal.
Guess ya can't win 'em all, Starfire. :(
Thursday, January 15, 2009
Well, not quite like that. An appendix in a jar cannot scream obscenities and verbally abuse you randomly.
"No problem!" Dominic shouted. "I'll make a tape recording of that and include it with the shipping!"
Wednesday, January 14, 2009
Tuesday, January 13, 2009
Monday, January 12, 2009
Friday, January 9, 2009
Thursday, January 8, 2009
Wednesday, January 7, 2009
Just a polite and friendly note to ask you, could you PLEASE do me a huge favor and at least TRY to not be such a disgusting sack of garbage? I would REALLY appreciate that SO MUCH!!!!! I'm sick of putting up with it, and so are a bunch of other people I talked to. I don't know if you realize this, but other people have to share this office with you, so you really ought to take some time to think about COMMON COURTESY!!!!!!
YOU ARE NOT IN THE FIRST GRADE ANYMORE SO PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE STOP ACTING LIKE IT!!!!!! Could you please do that for me? If you could, THANKS!
–Yours Sincerely, Dominic
I hate that fake "polite" tone of passive-aggressive notes.
And are the all caps and exclamation points really necessary?