Everyone loved Dominic's magic unicorn friend, Starfire. And Starfire loved us all in return. Starfire's favorite thing to was to magically appear in the cancer wing of the local children's hospital and fill the child cancer patients with hope and joy.
But most of all, Starfire loved Dominic. Oh, the adventures they would go on! Through thick and thin, they built a friendship that was as enduring as the sun and mountains. Starfire's loyalty to Dominic was legendary. What stories could be told!
Then, the other day, Dominic said he was getting too old to have a magic unicorn friend. So he slaughtered Starfire by crushing Starfire's skull with a fifteen pound hammer. Then Dominic sold the carcass to a processing plant where magical Starfire was ground into bone meal.
Guess ya can't win 'em all, Starfire. :(