Dominic Doesn't Believe His Eyes

"I only believe my sonar sense!" Dominic shouted.

Dominic is Feeling a Little Gassy

"It's probably from eating so many kittens!" Dominic shouted.

Dominic Stared into the Abyss

"What's the matter? You have a staring problem?" asked the abyss. "Knock it off!"

Even the abyss gets creeped out by Dominic's staring.

Dominic has Closed the Door to One Chapter of His Life

"Now I'm lifting the seat to a new chapter!" Dominic shouted.

Dominic Has Stamped Envelopes From Estonia, Macedonia,Portugal, the Azores, Puerto Rico, the Caymans, Paruguay, the Phillipenes, Vietnam, Kenya...

... And many, many other places around the globe.

I asked him if I could have the envelopes so I could steam them and add to my stamp collection.

Dominic shouted, "No! I put them all in a shredder because I don't want you to have them!"

*Sigh* I shouldn't have waited so long to ask him.

Maybe next year, I'll try asking him on Father's Day, when he might be in a better mood.

Dominic Seems to Have an Invisible Touch

"I reach in and grab right hold of your heart!" Dominic shouted.

Wait a minute. How is that an "invisible" touch? That's just killing a guy with some kind of deadly martial arts move.

Dominic is Working Hard to Fit You into His Busy Schedule of Not Caring

"I'll get to you right after I finish leisurely filling in this crossword puzzle with random letters!" Dominic shouted.

"Maybe!"

Dominic is Calling Himself a Nutritionist

"I want you to eat this jar of minced horseradish!" Dominic shouted. "You have one minute! Go!"

Dominic Keeps Climbing on the Drapes

If you see him, give him a few sprays with the spray bottle. He'll get right down. But you've got to watch him and catch him in the act or else he'll never learn.

Dominic Built a Robot out of Cardboard Boxes, Vacuum Cleaner Attachments, and an Old Tape Cassette Player

"I spent all weekend building this thing and it doesn't work at all!" Dominic shouted. "Why won't you enslave humanity like I programmed you!?"

Dominic is Really Throwing Himself into His Work

"I can do that now that I don't work with wood chippers anymore!" Dominic shouted.

Dominic Always Says "Face Mask" and Never Just "Mask"

Isn't that redundant?

"I don't want you to get confused and think I'm talking about those hand masks!" Dominic shouted, pointing at the gloves.

Dominic is Your Hairstylist

"Do you like Charlie Brown?!" Dominic shouted.

Dominic Wants to be a Dermatologist

"I'm going to gently defoliate your skin with this Agent Orange!" Dominic shouted.

That should be exfoliate, Dominic. Exfoliate.

Dominic is Waxing Eloquent on the Topic of Battle

"The love of battle is the food upon which we live!" Dominic shouted. "The dust of the mêlée is the breath of our nostrils! We live not--we wish not to live--longer than while we are victorious and renowned."

And with that explanation, Dominic resumed stomping hamsters.

Dominic Sucks at Similes

"The stand of trees and foliage stood out in the desert like an oasis in a barren land!" Dominic shouted.

Dominic is the Voices in Your Head

"I want you to start setting more fires!" Dominic shouted.

Dominic Will Design Your Webpage and Host it for Only $14.95 a Month

"I use Geocities!" Dominic shouted.