"I won't come over until you do something about your tarantula problem!" Dominic shouted
There are no tarantulas in Fredericksburg, VA. What are you talking about?
"When you were at work, I let loose several dozen in your kitchen!" Dominic shouted. "They're imported!"
Today's DMMA post was suggested by John S.
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4 comments:
Like it. I nominate that last sentence for several more exclamation marks.
They weren't actually tarantulas; Dominic got scammed when he ordered them from an online mexican spider company and he's still too embarassed to admit it.
Even after I told him I killed all the spiders he continues to refuse to have dinner at my house. He is essentially unwilling to break bread with me and my family at my very welcoming and loving home. My wife is willing to prepare a wonderful dinner for him and Kristina and all he had to do was was bring a small basket of fruit for the children as a token of regret for the spider liberation. Matthew 7:16 says “By their fruits you shall know them. Do men gather grapes of thorns, bring forth arachnids or figs of thistles? Even so every good tree bringeth forth good fruit, and the evil tree bringeth forth evil fruit. Now I’m not implying that Dominic is an evil fig but he might be. I won’t ever know since he won’t accept my invitation. You can clearly see that since he won’t bringeth forth good fruit to my house for dinner I must place a judgment upon him…of some sorts. I really don’t want to resort to subjecting him to canon law, that’ll just take way too long.
I think my next step is to write his name in my book and strike a line through it. That’ll teach him and it will avoid any punishment to Kristina.
"Do not be surprised at the fiery ordeal which comes upon you!!"
-- 1 Peter 4:12
Dominic has just issued a fatwa against me it seems clothed in a false garment. I think he was trying to quote the Quran 14:50"Their garments will be made of tar, and fire will overwhelm their faces." I do not like tar clothing at all, they're sticky.
I don't know what it would be like to havea fire overwhelm my face but I don't think I'll lioke it.
This is all very troublesome to me. We've known Dominic since he was born...or least since he was 19 or so when he would come to our quarters in Okinawa when we were both stationed there as Marines. I think that maybe he has long standing issues that still need to be resolved. I am the father of the young boy who was corn-boarded by Dominic (please refer to the creamed corn post of 14 Oct). He also made various threats like "Splat, banana creme pie" if they were bad when he would babysit our kids. To this day my children think banana crème pie is a torture device. We went to a Cracker Barrel several years ago and when they heard someone next to us order a slice of banana crème pie they thought they were going to be punished and they ran from the restaurant and hid in the shrubbery.
What should I do?
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