Dominic Demands to Know Why

"I demand to know why you would bring a plate of empty cannoli shells to the party!" Dominic shouted.

I think we all know what happened to the cannoli filling.

Dominic Suggested We Go On An Adventure

Dominic suggested that we follow the rainbow to the pot of gold together. I told Dominic that I just had to go to the bathroom and then I'd be ready. When I came out, Dominic was peeling out and shouted, "See You Later, Sucker!"

Then I noticed that he had slashed my tires, so I couldn't follow him.

Dominic Told Me I was Doomed

Dominic told me that I was doomed. "You're Doomed!" Dominic shouted.

Then he put omens all around my house, so that I would believe him.

He knows how much I hate omens.

Dominic is Starting His Own Business.

Dominic has opened a new office on a busy road. "Tarot Card Reading!!! I can solve all of your problems!" the bright neon sign shouts.

Is Dominic even board certified? I'm pretty sure those are Old Maid cards.

Dominic Claims He Knows How to Get High

Dominic insisted that he can get high from eating an entire jar of peanut butter. "I'll prove it!" shouted Dominic. But half way through, he fell fast asleep.

I guess you really can get high by eating a jar of peanut butter.

Dominic Says There is a Perfectly Good Explanation

"But I don't need to tell you!" shouted Dominic, as he hobbled away.

I guess he isn't ready to tell me how he got that cloven foot.

Dominic Encouraged Unity Among the People

"They were being chaotic and disorderly, so I sprayed glue all over the whole rally!" Dominic shouted. "I am the architect of unity!"

That was by far the worst church picnic ever.

Dominic Invited Me to Lunch for My Birthday

Dominic said that he was going to take me to lunch on Saturday. After he picked me up, he shouted, "I have to make a quick stop! I have to go to the DMV to get a new driver's license!"

We never made it to lunch that day.

Dominic's New Hobby is Shrieking

"You'd better drive!" Dominic shouted. "I'm going to work on my hobby the whole time in the car!"

This is going to be the worst Virginia-to-Las Vegas road trip ever.

Dominic Hates Second Hand Smoke

"Hack! Argh! Cough!" Dominic shouted. "This second hand smoke is KILLING me!"

Um Dominic? You just "quit" smoking 20 minutes ago when you took the last drag of your last cigarette and announced that you had quit smoking. I'm pretty sure that's too recent for second hand smoke to bother you.

Written by Angela G. 

Dominic Wrote A Controversial Song

"All my songs are performed by the new music group The Taliband and are perfectly executed!'" Dominic shouted.

I thought his song "al-Qaholic in de-Nile" was kinda catchy, but "No sleep til Punjab" is probably a copyright infringement.

Written by Dominc

Dominic Organized Your Papers

"I filed everything chronologically!" Dominic shouted. 

That might work. Go on.

"The first paper in the filing cabinet drawer is the first paper I put in the filing cabinet. At the very back of the bottom drawer is the last piece of paper I put in the filing cabinet!"

Nevermind. That won't work.

Submitted by Dominic 

Dominic Could Have Made It

"I just didn't want you to think that I was faking again! Bwarfwaggggloppppr!!" Dominic shouted as he threw up on my shoes.

Dominic could have made it to the bathroom.

Dominic Just Needs Someone to Talk To

Dominic keeps calling and keeping me on the phone for hours.

"I can't decide what my favorite color is! Lavender or Lilac!" Dominic shouted. "I just love them both so much!"

This really doesn't warrant middle of the night phone calls.

Dominic Says He's Getting in Touch with His Inner Gangster

He's changed all of the vowels in his name to Numbers.

D0m1n1c

Dominic is Driving with his Visor Down

"I drive with my visor down, so I can't see the traffic lights!" Dominic shouted. "If I can't see them, they don't count!"

Dominic Came to my Lecture

Dominic came to show his support during my lecture. He sat in the first row and made faces at me the entire time. The air horn was particularly distracting.

Dominic is Saying a Novena for a New Job

Dominic is saying a novena for a new job, specifically, my job.

Dominic Had an Easy Commute

Dominic orange-coned the left lane. He was able to take the special Dominic Lane on the way home from work, which took him 45 minutes less than it usually does.

...but it took me an extra 45 minutes.

Dominic Ordered a Complicated Drink at a Crowded Bar

"First, you take 5/8 of a shot of Sour Apple Pucker and shake it 23 times, then you take 3 and 7/52 parts of Captain Morgan's spiced Rum and set it on fire for four and a half seconds, then you pour the sour apple pucker over a spoon over the rum, then you put 5 13/49 parts of jagermeister and then stir it 39 times. Then you garish with pickles and 12 marshmallows!" Dominic shouted.

Then Dominic downed the entire drink and shouted, "That was the worst Captain Puckermeister I've ever had! Do it again! This time don't screw it up!"

I had to wait at least 20 minutes before I could order my drink.