Dominic Organized Your Papers

"I filed everything chronologically!" Dominic shouted. 

That might work. Go on.

"The first paper in the filing cabinet drawer is the first paper I put in the filing cabinet. At the very back of the bottom drawer is the last piece of paper I put in the filing cabinet!"

Nevermind. That won't work.

Submitted by Dominic 

Dominic Could Have Made It

"I just didn't want you to think that I was faking again! Bwarfwaggggloppppr!!" Dominic shouted as he threw up on my shoes.

Dominic could have made it to the bathroom.

Dominic Just Needs Someone to Talk To

Dominic keeps calling and keeping me on the phone for hours.

"I can't decide what my favorite color is! Lavender or Lilac!" Dominic shouted. "I just love them both so much!"

This really doesn't warrant middle of the night phone calls.

Dominic Says He's Getting in Touch with His Inner Gangster

He's changed all of the vowels in his name to Numbers.

D0m1n1c

Dominic is Driving with his Visor Down

"I drive with my visor down, so I can't see the traffic lights!" Dominic shouted. "If I can't see them, they don't count!"

Dominic Came to my Lecture

Dominic came to show his support during my lecture. He sat in the first row and made faces at me the entire time. The air horn was particularly distracting.

Dominic is Saying a Novena for a New Job

Dominic is saying a novena for a new job, specifically, my job.

Dominic Had an Easy Commute

Dominic orange-coned the left lane. He was able to take the special Dominic Lane on the way home from work, which took him 45 minutes less than it usually does.

...but it took me an extra 45 minutes.

Dominic Ordered a Complicated Drink at a Crowded Bar

"First, you take 5/8 of a shot of Sour Apple Pucker and shake it 23 times, then you take 3 and 7/52 parts of Captain Morgan's spiced Rum and set it on fire for four and a half seconds, then you pour the sour apple pucker over a spoon over the rum, then you put 5 13/49 parts of jagermeister and then stir it 39 times. Then you garish with pickles and 12 marshmallows!" Dominic shouted.

Then Dominic downed the entire drink and shouted, "That was the worst Captain Puckermeister I've ever had! Do it again! This time don't screw it up!"

I had to wait at least 20 minutes before I could order my drink.

Dominic Cheated on his Taxes

Dominic told the IRS that he made twice as much money, than he actually did.

"I had to claim your children, to keep my taxes down!" Dominic shouted.

Dominic was Cut out of Granny's Will

Dominic seemed unusually calm during the reading of Granny's will. He didn't even get upset when it was reveled that all of Granny's possessions and money were going to The Institute for World Dominication.

And to think I was afraid that Dominic had tampered with the will.

Dominic Keeps Calling Your Landlady

Dominic called the landlady to complain about your lawn again and now she's hopping mad.

I think he did it because he knew I was away this weekend and would have to pay him to mow it.

"It's called exploitation!" Dominic shouted.

Dominic Insisted on Hosting Christmas Dinner

Dominic insisted hosting Christmas Dinner this year.

"You have to microwave your own hot dog chunks!" Dominic shouted as we walked in the door.

He knows how much I hate hot dogs.

Dominic Has No Manners

"Don't mind if I have another of your bite-size canaries!" Dominic shouted.

Dominic Loves to Clean for People

"I cleaned all your precious pictures with the cleaning power of fire!" Dominic shouted. "The bill is in the mail!"

Dominic is Probably Going to Buy Your Car

"This car is perfect!" Dominic Shouted. "It's got your fingerprints on everything!"

Dominic Cares About My Health

"Decaf is much better for you!" Dominic shouted. "I switched your coffee with Decaf, because I care about your health!"

Yes, that was decaffeinated, but it was really just a laxative.

I'm not sure what the judge found worse, the felon on trial or the juror who kept having to use the restroom.

Dominic Got Personalized License Plates

"I had the DMV put 'MURDER' on my plates so everyone on the road can see how 'edgy' I am!" Dominic shouted.

"Then I got the specialized 'Kids First' plate so that everyone will know that I'm a new dad!"

Today's DMMA post was a revision of the 12/3/09 original.

Dominic's Party Goes Until the Crack of Dawn

"Nobody leaves until you smoke this crack-cocaine!!!" Dominic shouted.

I don't think Dawn is going to appreciate you giving out free samples of her stash.

Dominic Opened a Dog Obedience School

"It's open Monday through Friday, 9am - 6pm; not federal holidays, so stop asking!!" Dominic shouted.

As far as I can tell, the only trick he's teaching these dogs is how to crap in my yard.