Dominic is making Malted Milkshakes

When I took out my winter sweaters and coats I noticed that they were laden with moth holes.

"I used the moth balls to make malted milk shakes!" shouted Dominic shouted

That's not how you make malted milkshakes.

Dominic Offered to Give Your Wife a Surprise C-Section

"I'll throw in Bonus Liposuction for free since she is so fat!" Dominic shouted.

I've never even heard of the Medical School of Hard Knox. Is that even accredited?

Dominic Broke My Washing Machine

"I can't believe I was able to fit 45 pounds of dead cat in here!" shouted Dominic

The average washing machine is designed to hold 11 pounds of laundry. >:-(

Dominic Helped Changed My Bandage.

"I soaked the bandage in salted lemon juice to help kill germs!" shouted Dominic

Dominic is passing out candy for Halloween

"I'm passing out Halloween Candy this year!" Dominic shouted as he grabbed a bag of chocolate covered espresso beans and began to open the door to trick-or-treaters.

No, Dominic the wig on your Lady Godiva costume is not long enough! There are children on the other side of that door!

Dominic Says He Has a Naval Officer Costume On

I don’t think that cussing like a sailor constitutes a naval officer costume.

Dominic Won’t Stop Talking Like a Mastercard Commercial.

Cheese puffs: $5

Pants" $5!

Not having to use a napkin: Priceless!

Couch$5!

Television $5!

Sitting on the couch to watch television: Priceless!

Gallon of gasoline: $5!

Cigarette Lighter: $5!

Setting the couch and television on fire: Priceless!

I don't think Dominic understands the value of the dollar. Probably because these things were mine.

Dominic Requested the Pat Down at the Airport

Dominic taped mouse traps all over his body and then requested the pat down at the airport.

I wish he had let me go in line first.

Dominic Wanted Me to Feel Fresh

When I was in a hurry to leave to work, I noticed that all of my underwear was missing and in it's place there was a note:

"I MOVED ALL OF YOUR UNDERPANTS TO THE FREEZER TO KEEP THEM MORE FRESHER!"

Dominic should know better than to say "More fresher"

Dominic Remarks on Poverty in America

Dominic doesn’t under stand how in this land of plenty there could be children who don’t get enough to eat.

“Just look at all this road kill I was able to find today!” Dominic shouted.

Dominic Approves of My New Couch

"It's perfect!! The fabric itches my rash while absorbing the leakage.” Dominic shouted.

Now I know why he talked me out of getting the leather couch.

Dominic Made "Improvements" to the Portrait Hanging in the Living Room.

"I painted him a mustache and a sombrero! Mexico is really in this season!" shouted Dominic.

That painting was the only likeness that existed of my grandmother. :-(

Dominic Is Trying to Convince Me He Can Tell My Fortune By Reading His Son's Dirty Diapers.

"You just gotta look really really close!" shouted Dominic.

No, I'm not falling for that trick again.

Dominic Keeps Throwing Up

"Don't stop on account of me! Hweerghfwrelluuuupppppp!" Dominic shouted. "The Parade of Muffin Tops in Halter Tops must go on! Bwarfwaggggloppppr!!"

Why did Dominic even ask to be a judge in this event?

Dominic Hates Christmas Song Parodies

"The only thing Batman smells like is justice!" Dominic screamed, shaking his fist at the terrified fourth graders.

Today's DMMA post was submitted by John D.

Dominic Traded the Time Share.

"We're going to Akron!" Dominic shouted.

The children had been so excited about finally going to Disney World.

Dominic “bought” His Son a Bag of Rocks

“Teaching your son to throw rocks at cars is not just a right of passage…it’s a duty of passage” Dominic shouted.

Dominic Claims He's an Undercover Double Agent

"I'm posing as Team Edward, but actually I'm Team Jacob!" shouted Dominic. "They'll never know what hit them!"

No, I don't suppose they will

Dominic Baked a Beautiful Cake

Dominic baked a beautiful cake for his son's birthday party.

"The secret ingredient is love!" Dominic shouted

But as all the guests found out, the secret ingredient was actually pepper spray.

Dominic Started a New blog

It took a couple of months before I finally got around to checking out Dominic's new "Blog of Emotions!" which reads exactly like the diary I kept in high school.

"I can't believe you just left your diary lying around under your mattress" Dominic shouted