Dominic Used His Survival Skills

I got locked in the bathroom. I had to survive off of toilet paper and toothpaste sandwiches...mmm! " Dominic shouted.

He used up all the tooth paste in under an hour, was that necessary?"

Dominic Believes in Sharing

"Do we have any clean underpants left or did I use your last pair?!" shouted Dominic.

I think there are some things that people just shouldn't share. Did you check the freezer :(

Dominic is Not Following Community Expectations

Wearing ass-less chaps and walking on the left side of the side walk is not following community expectations.

"It's just what the community expects of me!" shouted Dominic.

Dominic Cleaned up after Dinner

Dominic had told Granny to go to bed after dinner. He told her that he would clean up, but when Granny came downstairs this morning she discovered that the only thing he had done was taken all of the left overs.

"I've been robbed!" Granny shouted.

He didn't even clear the table.

Dominic Brought the Mashed Potatoes

At least he could have thawed the tater tots before he put them in the blender and served them.

Dominic Claims He Can Speak Russian

"Яussian Яuffles have Яed Яidges!!" Dominic shouted.

I'm relatively certain that's not how you speak Russian. I guess I overpaid for his "translation services."

Dominic Believes There is a Little Bit of Good in Everyone

"All you have to do is look for the good in people and once you've found it...let the exploitation begin!" shouted Dominic

Dominic Isn't Going to Leave Anything Behind

In his will he specified that he wants to be buried with all of his possessions and he wants all of his friends to be buried alive with him.

It's a good thing he doesn't have any of these things.

Dominic Showed His Support at the Autism Awareness Rally.

Everyone was having a good time until Dominic showed up with Molotov cocktails.

If he had actually read the flyer I gave him, he would have known that it was supposed to be a peaceful rally.

Dominic Crashed the Cocktail Party

I don’t think seeing Dominic throwing up all over his toga made a good impression on the potential investors.

"I wish I hadn't eaten so much scrapple!" shouted Dominic

Dominic Partook in a Civil War Reenactment

Dominic was reading about a civil war reenactment at a nearby battlefield. Dominic was truly touched by the account and wanted to take part, so he dressed in one of his old uniforms and headed over to the local park.

“I’m reenacting the famous battle of my emotions!” shouted Dominic as he threw fire crackers at the children as they ran away in terror.

“This time, Victory will be Mine!

Dominic is making Malted Milkshakes

When I took out my winter sweaters and coats I noticed that they were laden with moth holes.

"I used the moth balls to make malted milk shakes!" shouted Dominic shouted

That's not how you make malted milkshakes.

Dominic Offered to Give Your Wife a Surprise C-Section

"I'll throw in Bonus Liposuction for free since she is so fat!" Dominic shouted.

I've never even heard of the Medical School of Hard Knox. Is that even accredited?

Dominic Broke My Washing Machine

"I can't believe I was able to fit 45 pounds of dead cat in here!" shouted Dominic

The average washing machine is designed to hold 11 pounds of laundry. >:-(

Dominic Helped Changed My Bandage.

"I soaked the bandage in salted lemon juice to help kill germs!" shouted Dominic

Dominic is passing out candy for Halloween

"I'm passing out Halloween Candy this year!" Dominic shouted as he grabbed a bag of chocolate covered espresso beans and began to open the door to trick-or-treaters.

No, Dominic the wig on your Lady Godiva costume is not long enough! There are children on the other side of that door!

Dominic Says He Has a Naval Officer Costume On

I don’t think that cussing like a sailor constitutes a naval officer costume.

Dominic Won’t Stop Talking Like a Mastercard Commercial.

Cheese puffs: $5

Pants" $5!

Not having to use a napkin: Priceless!

Couch$5!

Television $5!

Sitting on the couch to watch television: Priceless!

Gallon of gasoline: $5!

Cigarette Lighter: $5!

Setting the couch and television on fire: Priceless!

I don't think Dominic understands the value of the dollar. Probably because these things were mine.

Dominic Requested the Pat Down at the Airport

Dominic taped mouse traps all over his body and then requested the pat down at the airport.

I wish he had let me go in line first.

Dominic Wanted Me to Feel Fresh

When I was in a hurry to leave to work, I noticed that all of my underwear was missing and in it's place there was a note:

"I MOVED ALL OF YOUR UNDERPANTS TO THE FREEZER TO KEEP THEM MORE FRESHER!"

Dominic should know better than to say "More fresher"