Dominic Got Everyone to Send a Special Message for my Birthday.

Dominic wanted me to have a special birthday, so he emailed all of my friends and told them that I was trying to better myself and wanted everyone to tell me what biggest personality flaws were.

Dominic is Standing Up for His Rights

Dominic is suing his book club for Human Rights violations. 

"It's a my right to choose 50 Shades of Gray!"  Dominic shouted. 

But Dominic, you've never actually attended book club. 

Dominic Took Revenge.

"This will teach you to spit up on my new tee shirt!"  Dominic shouted as he slashed the tires on his son's stroller.  

Dominic Took a Spill

Dominic knew the entire nation was waiting for the election returns from his district before the election could be called.  They were almost done counting the ballet when Dominic "tripped" and knocked over all 536,084 ballets and they all had to be counted all over again. 

I had to stay up for 4:00 AM to find out who won the election.  

Dominic Might "Win" on Iron Chef

Dominic took the ingredients and made an unforgettable soufflé, but the judges unanimously decided that it was just awful. 
"Yes, that's the ammonia. It cleanses the palate!" Dominic shouted. "Now who's the big winner!?!?"

Dominic Loves His New Ambiguous Job Description

St. Vincent's Home of Sad Orphans should have been more clear about what kind of help they were looking for when asking for volunteers.  

Apparently Dominic thinks the orphanage was looking for a volunteer to raid the fridge and break all the toys.  

Dominic Studied for His Exam

"I got a perfect score!" Dominic shouted. "I stayed up all night studying and completely blew away my optometrist!  Now I don't have to wear these unsightly glasses anymore!"

Dominic, I don't think cheating on your eye exam is going to help you.

"I didn't cheat!  I studied!!!!!!" Dominic shouted.

Dominic Won't Eat the Nice Sandwich I made for Him

"I hate crusts on sandwiches!" Dominic shouted. "I'm not eating it until you cut all the crust off!"

But, Dominic, I made the sandwich on a sub roll.

"So!?" Dominic shouted. "Just use a carrot peeler!"

Dominic is Giving a Safety First Lecture

"As a pedestrian, you always have the right of way!  There's no need to look both ways!" Dominic shouted.  "Looking both ways will make you appear weak!  Looking weak led to more pedestrian deaths in 2011 then it did it 2010!  It's an epidemic!!!"

Dominic couldn't site the source of his statistic.  Making up statistics is very unprofessional and I spent a lot of money to attend this conference.

Dominic is Sorry He Broke a Coffee Mug

"I accidentally broke the handle off of a mug from your new matching set of coffee mugs!"  Dominic shouted.  "I am so sorry!" he sobbed, "I tried to replace it, but they only sell them in sets of 2, so I broke off the handles on all the other mugs, so at least they will still match!"

Dominic Let You Think for a Moment that You were Finally Free

"Ha! Ha!" Dominic shouted. "I just put your cage inside a larger prison!"

Dominic's New Hobby is Shaving Cats

"Now you're aerodynamic, Colonel Whiskers!!" Dominic shouted. "Fly! Be free!"

Dominic Threatened to Sick His Army on Me

"I've been growing an army and they are almost ready for battle!" Dominic shouted.  ''They have been trained to show no mercy!"  

Actually, Dominic's sunflower army is a little bit menacing.  

Dominic Asked a Stupid Question

The lady running the seminar said we shouldn't be shy. "There's no such thing as a stupid question," she said.

"This is not a statement so long as I end it with a question mark!?" Dominic shouted

Dominic is Making Feeble Excuses

"That was your goldfish?!" Dominic shouted. "I'm so sorry! I thought it was a bag of microwave popcorn!"

"Lots of people I know keep their popcorn in a fishbowl, so it was an honest mistake!"

On a related topic, someone's gotta clean out the microwave now, 'cause you know Dominic isn't going to.

Dominic Organized a Scavenger Hunt

"I get 75% of everything you find!!!" Dominic shouted at the participating children. "You have to dig up the treasures!! They are buried in front of the stone markers...in coffins!"

Dominic Asked About My Trip to the Library

I told Dominic that the Silmarillion was checked out, so I got something else.

Dominic then shouted, "I can't believe that in this city's huge library network, all 37 copies of Silmarillion have been taken out! Someone must have driven to every single library to get them! It must have taken them four hours and twenty minutes and an entire tank of gas!"

How did Dominic know that the city library network owns 37 copies of the Silmarillion? I guess I should have known better than to tell him what I was planning on borrowing from the library.

Dominic is Giving Legal Advice

"Watching me do this makes you an accessory after the fact!" Dominic shouted as he put the cop car in neutral and rolled it into the swamp.

Dominic Used the Word "Mullioned" Just so Everyone Would Know that he Knew what Mullioned Windows Are

"Ha! Ha!" Dominic shouted. "That guy sure is bleeding a lot after I threw him through those mullioned windows!"

Dominic is Giving Legal Advice

"Don't accuse me of blackmailing you!" Dominic shouted. "I'm extorting you! There's a difference!"