Dominic Needs Supplies for the New Baby

"Where's the diapers!?" Dominic shouted.

"We don't sell diapers," said the clerk behind the register. "This is a liquor store."

Dominic got furious. He shouted, "You mean I have to go to one store for food and a completely different store for diapers?!"

Today's Dominic Makes Me Angry post was submitted by Jason K.

Dominic Knows How to Cook Spaghetti

"You know how to tell when spaghetti is perfectly cooked!?" Dominic shouted. "Throw it against the wall! If it sticks, it's done!"

To illustrate his point, he grabbed the five-quart pot full of boiling water and spaghetti and dashed the contents against the wall.

"Nope! Nothing stuck!" Dominic shouted as the steaming mess of noodles slid off the wall and scalding water spread across the floor. "I'd give it two more minutes!" he shouted, returning the empty five quart pot to the hot burner.

Today's post was submitted/loosely suggested by Anthony S.

Dominic Has Friends in High Places

"And now I'm going to shove them off!" Dominic shouted.

Today's Dominic Makes Me Angry Post was submitted by Dominic.

Dominic Prepared a Lunch of Canned Creamed Corn for Little Five-Year Old John Michael

"A U.S. Marine can down 1.2 kilograms of creamed corn in 45 seconds!" Dominic shouted. "You only have thirty seconds left, John Michael! So chow down, Marine!"

Five-year old John Michael did his best to eat those 1.2 kilograms of creamed corn as fast as he could with Dominic repeatedly shouting "Chow down, Marine!" in his face.

Then John Michael threw up.

Jeez, Dominic, you could have at least heated up John Michael's creamed corn.

Today's post was submitted by Chris M. who says he's got six kids that he'll never let Dominic babysit.

Dominic is Getting Some Updates to His Blog

"Since some of you have expressed interest in suggesting posts, there is now an 'email me' icon in the sidebar!" Dominic shouted.

"Ry Guy has also added a search feature in the sidebar if you want to look for a specific post without scrolling back through all the archives!"

Dominic is Consulting a Ouiji Board for Baby Names*

"'Dagon' and 'Belial' are both good names!" Dominic shouted. "But so far, I'm leaning toward 'Mephisto!'"

* Today's Dominic Makes Me Angry Post was submitted by Margaret.

Dominic Asked a Stupid Question

The lady running the seminar said we shouldn't be shy. "There's no such thing as a stupid question," she said.

"Would you eat this in under ten minutes if I said you'd get a free T-shirt?!" Dominic shouted, holding up a five-gallon bucket filled with broken glass shards.

Dominic Wants to Achieve Inner Peace

Dominic grabbed the zen master by the throat and began throttling him violently. "Teach me inner peace!!" Dominic bellowed hysterically.

Dominic Cannot Take a Hint

"So, I could totally tell that Jon and Kate were heading for a divorce long before anyone else picked up on it!" Dominic shouted. "I just read the signals!"

"I wouldn't know," I said, hoping that Dominic would stop telling me about these people soon. "I never watch the show.

"And when it came out that Jon had an affair, I knew that everyone would automatically take Jon's side!" Dominic shouted. "Everyone thinks that Kate is such a horrible nag that they believed she just drove Jon away!"

"I don't know anything about this," I said. "I really have no idea who these people are."

"Now Jon's true nature is coming out and people are starting to see what I've been saying all along!" Dominic shouted. "Jon's just a money-grubbing opportunist! Kate's better off without him!"

"I really don't want to know about any of this," I said. "I never watch the show, I don't care about them, and I have absolutely zero interest in learning anything about Jon and Kate's marital problems."

"Oh, good!" Dominic shouted. "That means you're a neutral party! Lemme explain how this all came about starting in season one!"

Dominic then went on to explain in detail how Jon and Kate's marriage evolved from season one, completely ignoring the fact that tears were streaming down my face as I screamed "LALALALALA!" at the top of my lungs and repeatedly punched my ears, hoping to inflict permanent deafness.

Dominic is Retaining Water

"Look!" Dominic shouted. "I dammed up the river and made a little pond!"

Dominic is Cooking Tiny Game Birds

"These birds are considered something of a delicacy in some countries!" Dominic shouted. "They're so little, you actually eat the bones rather than trying to get the meat off!"

Didn't you used to have parakeets?

Dominic Got a "Hands Free" Headset for the Car

"I was so sick of having to use my hands to steer the car!" Dominic shouted as he folded his arms across his chest, floored the gas pedal, and took off down the freeway.

Dominic has a Rendezvous with History

"Don't tell Destiny!" Dominic shouted "She'll just get jealous if she finds out I'm rendezvousing with someone else!"

Dominic is a Robot

His programming is so complex that you can talk to him for hours and totally forget that he isn't even human.

Dominic Has the Worst Chili Recipie Ever

There is no meat; there are no beans; there are no tomatoes; and there are no chiles.

This is a bowl of pure capsaicin and nothing else.

"What are you waiting for!?" Dominic shouted. "Eat up!"

Dominic is Always Trying to Convince Me to Sign up for the Slave Mines

"The beautiful thing about the Slave Mines is that they're not just your home!" Dominic shouted. "They're also your grave!"

Dominic Says His Life is a Dashing Bold Adventure

"I shot a guy for this candy bar!" Dominic shouted.

Dominic Only Hurts the People He Loves

"I'm giving you twenty bucks because I hate your guts!" Dominic shouted.

Dominic Asked a Stupid Question

The lady running the seminar said we shouldn't be shy. "There's no such thing as a stupid question," she said.

"Can you see me when I do this?!" Dominic shouted, shutting his eyes as tightly as he could.

Dominic's Glove Compartment is Wedged Shut

When I finally pried it open, I discovered the problem; it was stuffed with dead cats.

"Don't throw those out!" Dominic shouted. "I need those for later!"